Keve's editorial

2011-02-24T11:48:00.001+08:00

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The smart left a long time ago.

Saw this on FB. Funny I think.

2011-02-18T04:54:00.003+08:00

I've actually had problems loggin on previously when Blogger was acquired by Google.

How time flies, its been 4 years since my lost posting. How I've changed. I kinda miss my old self.

God bless my friends.

2007-06-19T03:01:00.000+08:00

已经有一段时间没回到家就倒头大睡了

3点零四分

流着鼻涕的我，就有那么一点空虚
夜深人静，思绪特别清晰
对所有的一切仿佛都有了答案
有了答安又怎样？
有时也真想说天啊，你玩我啊
也想说，好啊，老子跟你拼了
没勇气，也拼不起，更拼不过。是吗？

叹气，三更半夜叹什么气
清楚，却装不知道
吃了些口香糖，点了根烟，自以为时间凝滞了五分中，骗谁。

真金不怕火炼，就怕掉进大海炼不出，也找不回了。

我的朋友们，祈祷你们都安好。

2007-06-14T00:43:00.000+08:00

寂寞公路
说好和你一起流浪
失约的我独自飞翔
窗外景物不断的变换
提醒我背叛的心慌
说好不让你再流泪
迷惑的我不知是错是对
下雪街头独自的行走握不住一杯温热的咖啡
new york dallas los angeles
寂寞公路每站都下雪
想念等候流逝的梦
寂寞公路每寸都伤痛
sunrise moomshake heartbreaker
寂寞公路每站都下雪
冷漠激情点烟的手
寂寞公路哪里是尽头

2007-04-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

很长的一天，its been a really long day.

因为受到英文教育的因素，很多时候新加坡人会直接将英文翻译，我们当然听得懂故中的意式，但还是免不了闹出许多笑话，特别是华文基础不好的。新一代的国人，华文基础普遍上不是很好。我也好不到哪去。

那就是说你喜欢去爱别人咯,但内心又很期待被人所爱 >> 相信每个人都希望爱人与被爱吧。

哈哈，非常喜欢你的那句，我爱的人名花有主，爱我的人产不忍睹。不想去解释什么。男孩子碰到这种事情，通常都是装傻吧。不愿意浪费别人的时间。男孩子比较理智，也或许错过了一些什么。读书时的一位教授兼朋友对我说过：In life, you can do alot of things, but we shall always try not to hurt someone in the process. 在生命里，我们可以尝试做很多事情，但在每一个过程中，我们应尽可能不要伤害到对方。〉〉那我就尽力咯，哈哈。虽然也不是做得很好。

割爱， hmmm，对方幸福就好咯，但错过了我，她们又还能幸福的到哪里去，哈哈哈，不好意思，搞笑罢了。对方幸福就够了。

用单调来形容我的父母一点不过，彼此的称呼就是 oi. 妈没什么要求，爸也不那么loving. 我们连一起吃饭都没呢。不要误会，我不来自个破碎的家庭，就应该算是ermm比较单调吧。还有个弟弟，但是他个性比较孤僻。我是个依赖性强，因为懒惰，却又是个个性非常独立的怪人。也没从父母身上学到什么，就学到不该什么，在一次不要误会，爸就是个旧时代的男人吧，妈遮把一生献给了这个家，我妈就是没话说吧，任劳任怨，换作另外一个努人，早就跑了。哈哈我是这样坦白的对我爸说的。现在有空时，还是会陪他们看看电视，说说笑。有个坏习惯，有时就会做完工回来，躺在父母的床上睡去，因为我们是在房间看电视的。

可能有时我就会怜惜我妈吧哈哈

也听过他们的爱情故事，就觉得可爱吧。爸是用借书这招来认识我妈的，有一天就书里多了张电影票，我妈就应“约”了。后来才发现其实我爸都不看书的。哈哈哈阿

2007-04-04T02:56:00.001+08:00

觉得最近写的东西都有点太灰了

半夜里又读着04 年自己写的，和别人的留言。别人的留言，仿佛留言的人还在。
美玲，不知不觉中也快两年了。

最近在学会放松，放开。但又觉得自己有点懒散。固中原因相信你会懂吧，不言不语，你也会懂吧。

想着你朋友，想着你。

---------

我是一个容易在人群中寂寞的人，特别在人群中。
还是那句话，朋友不用太多。昨天kenny非常诚恳地对我说到，“我真得很久没和你聊天了。”其实不就是一个月多，两个月嘛。也让我惠心的微笑了。

---------

在香港认识了一个女孩，就在码头认识的，邀她喝了杯咖啡，也是我在新加坡从来没做过的事。设计师，服装设计师。说真的还蛮欣赏这个女孩的。就多才多艺, 多见识吧。

二十七岁的我了解到了一些东西。以前总觉得两性之间，性是很重要的，其实不以。

三点半了，再过一下子，又是一天了。。。

2007-04-01T18:56:00.000+08:00

Kings of convenience - failure

Using the Guardian as a shield,to cover my thighs against the rain, I do not mind about my hair. Your jacket may be waterproof, but I know the moment you get home you're gonna get your trousers changed. Failure is always the best way to learn, retracing your steps untill you know, have no fear your wounds will heal. I wish I could travel overground to where all you hear is water sounds, lush as the wind upon a tree.

2007-03-30T01:56:00.000+08:00

bit by bit very soon there would be nothing left

this is coming to an end issit? has it taken too long? could i hv been lead on a rd that was always meant to be so

fate, once again in its mysterious ways ... ...

一点一点的心被淘空了

该结束了吗，这一路是注定的吗

缘分，神秘的缘分

2007-02-14T00:31:00.000+08:00

梁朝伟不言不语也可以温柔
找了好久终于等到你出现平凡的一生开始有梦
那怕夜多深那怕爱人容易寂寞能够拥抱你是我最大的收获
不必多说什么好爱的话有时候沉默更适合承诺
深情不怕多让今夜只留下你我与我宿醉就算身边没有酒
不再后悔曾经舍不得谁到我的怀里来安歇
不再恐惧能把心放给谁你是我的白天也是我的黑夜
不言不语也可以温柔承诺不能表达些什么能给你的不是任何字能形容
不言不语也可以温柔甜言蜜语还不如沉默让你我的心在无言里交流

梁朝伟我会伤了你的心
我怎能够拒绝你的美丽你的温柔
我怎么能够说你的天真你太执著该用什么理由让你不再编制美梦
不要爱我我会伤了你的心
你永远不会了解你我之间有什么不同
你永远不会懂这场游戏的规则
我又怎么忍心看到你泪流满面的表情
不要爱我我会伤了你的心
我不愿让你哭我不是不在乎
但这世上爱情反反复复你我如此茫然无助
我情愿孤独也不愿让你痛苦
当爱情来的时候你会要求我的承诺
当爱远走以后你会祈求我的回首
我又怎能付出那么多当我依然如此迷惑
不要爱我我会伤了你的心

梁朝伟我不是好情人
从不知道爱你有多深一直以为你是我的人
只怪我太自信忘了对你说明才让你等到夜深
直到时间悄悄把爱情一点一滴都流失乾净
才突然发现我的双手竟然握不住你的真心
也许我不是一个好情人否则你不会伤得这样深
当你转身离开俺上心门我才明白什么叫悔恨
也许我不是一个好情人要不然你会继续地等

梁朝伟为情所困
我曾经爱过一个人她对我总是一往情深
她的心曾是那么单纯只愿意陪我一世一生
是如此美丽的容颜让我心疼让我爱怜
多希望可以留住时间让她能永远在我身边
也许注定要为你孤单当你留着泪说今生无缘
当你越走越远思念却越陷越深
这一生为情所困只为当初你的心太真
这一生痴痴恋恋只为一个无法实现的诺言
---------------------------

一些老歌，一些年轻时最爱的歌。
喜欢梁朝伟的一些歌，好像都在写着他对爱情的态度，他的执著。
其实，或许和自己也有几分相似吧

以下的歌就祝有情人终成娟属吧。。。

梁朝伟我很需要你
所有的人身边都有最爱的人
美的丑的他们都认为是梦中情人
假如天使生病不保护我赴汤蹈火我希望你双臂抱著我
终于找到你我很需要你到过你心底听过你哭泣悲伤的日子你形影不离我们两手紧扣连成一体人生高低潮一同去经历
我不用寻觅你就在这里人海茫茫我的运气都被冲走
上帝的手安排你在我的身边漂流
就算我的命盘福气不够我不忧愁至少我可以牵你的手

2007-01-22T03:39:00.000+08:00

its 340am on a sunday morning.

Im listening to matt redman - heart of worship as i blog this.

I first came into contact with christ at ard the age of 7, when my aunt brought me to bible church which is situated just beside ginza plaza, at a corner of west cost. An innocent, naughty boy that i was then embraced the religion whole heartedly thou i do remember dragging to get out of bed to go to church on some mornings (yes, it started way back then). Cant really remember how it works then, i was probably left over at my aunts place before they would bring me for sunday service in the nxt morning and dutifully send me back home after. I remember sunday school to be really fun, it was there where i met my first friend, Samuel whom ive lost touch over these years after I stopped going at ard the age of 12 or 13. His aunt is still with the church, thou I dont think ive ever quite got down to asking where is he now. Now I would remember that between the age of 7 to perhaps 13, my faith would u call child like faith, which is to say very innocent and fearful of his every word, and i sure did obey his every command, make that most of it, cmon i was a naughty boy remember.
But I was blessed, so blessed even thou I was hopelessly naughty and not one thats keen on the bks. I wld always be playing marbles and doing all sorta stupid stuff, but somehow i managed to do reasonably well in my education then.

I remember the reason where I stopped attending church was because my parents needed me to tend to the shop on sundays where it gets really crowded, and you see a young buy collecting money for the newpapers, magazine, sweets, toys and ice-cream. yes those were the areas which i was in charge of. often i would get a scolding from my dad for reading the papers, ermm make that the comics as i tended to my "department", well i guess he tot i was unprofessional, but i was only a kid remember. Anyway most of the times where i tendered to the shop often ended up with me getting scolded and an unpleasant time for me and dad. But perhaps this was only a partial reason for why I stopped going, I was probably lazy at the same time, and I could have gone back over the following years when i stopped helping out, i believe after i was 14 or something, I rem it as im too old to be tendering the shop or some bullshit i gave or was it because my mum got sick of the constant quarrels between me and my dad, prob abit of both, but in any case most of the sunday mornings then were spent playing basketball, competitive games with other basketball teams, as i represented this team which we formed in our estate.

my teenage years were atrocious if i may put it, other then the time spent in school, the rest were spent playing basketball and subsequently football, sometimes both. I kid u not when i say that i can play sports for up to 8hrs every single day, sometimes more. I remember my chem teacher ever asking me if i was working outside, as she got quite concern with my deteriorating grades, as she commented that i looked really tired in class, i guess thats the reason. the company which i had then was bad to put it midly, the worst kids in the estate were the pple i hang out with but i stood out like a sore thumb, being supposedly the brightest and elite among them, which for that i was never quite accepted into the group. but it was thru this period that i was blessed again, as i could never do or agree with some of the things which were done by the group and with everyone in the group getting associated with some gangs or something as they got older (i.e- 16-18) i was never bothered, nor was i ever interested in any protection which I could have been granted with certain associations. trust me on this i get into my fair share of rubbish and fights with individual "gang members" often because of some silly incidents in a basketball match. Now the point i want to make is that i never turned astray only because of my christian background, and that would probably count as my biggest blessing during this period, as ive previously written, alot of the pple whom ive hanged out with during my teenage years are now probably in jail.

--------

I suddenly realised that I had better stop writing as there is simply no way i can give a proper account of my life then and the influences of christhood in me thruout all these years. I figured I might need to write a book on this to jot down everything which happened. I thank my father for the blessings which I have not deserved, which is the most often prayer I give, cause among the unworthy, I am more so unworthy.

---------------

Heart of Worship

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than just a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

Its all about you
Jesus

2007-01-17T00:57:00.000+08:00

真的很喜欢巴黎恋人，无聊的我又看了一第一遍第一集，说真的这部片子也不知道看了多少遍了

这个年龄的我除了努力工做又还能做什么。。。不帅，没钱，没车，不会拉小提琴，没有不良嗜好

read somehwere that the best workers are usually the ones who are differnet, for a start they are the ones who would be more creative and often willing to go the extra distance just so as to make a difference, what do you think?

在过几个月，需要对一样事情做一个决定，暂时先搁着吧

有点害怕抽不出时间，而会耽误了很重要的事。。。

2007-01-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

Tuesday, January 16, 2007
This is Interesting~
I think this was extracted from some business newsletter.

How to Remain True to Your Spouse
This may strike some of you a bit 'odd' for a subject for a business newsletter, but if you have ever seen someone go through a divorce, observed someone 'fooling around' in the office, you know what a BAD career move that can be. People looking for 'a little something extra' can ruin their marriage, their careers, disrupt families, destroy small companies and cost big companies small fortunes.

How to make sure this does not happen to you? Here are 4 ideas. NOTHING is a guarantee. These may or may not help you depending upon your commitment level to your spouse, your marriage and yourself.

Step 1: Stop comparing.
Comparison shopping is only natural, when you are in the buying mode. Once you make a purchase, stop shopping. You will drive yourself crazy if you keep looking because there is always a better price, value, deal out there. It is not worth your time and effort to keep looking since you already own the product you just purchased.

The same is true for marriage. If you thought there was someone better out there, you should not have married the one to whom you pledged your love and fidelity. Face it, there is always someone out there who will be thinner, have a better (fill in the blank), do less of that which annoys you or more of what you enjoy. SO WHAT?! If your spouse compared you to the population out there, might not there be one if not hundreds or thousands who have more of what you possess in an area and less of what you have too much of?

Comparison shopping AFTER a deal is cut is just a waste of mental and emotional energy.

Step 2: Focus on the positive and not the negative.
Heaven forbid, if you lost the use of your limbs tomorrow, would you want your spouse to reject you and look for another? I would not. I would hope she would still love the man inside. What would keep her interested?

Maybe my smile, laugh, jokes, kisses, butterfly kisses, compliments, thanks, praise, singing (well, she might prefer I stop that), reading to our kids, my ongoing love for our children and who knows what else. You will have to ask HER for any more or the validity of this list.

The point is, we all have a ton of faults, weaknesses and bad behaviours. Focus on what your spouses GOOD behaviours are and try to spend as much time with him / her in celebration and enjoyment of those positive points.

Step 3: Avoid temptation like the plague.
There is NO such thing as an 'innocent' drink after work with anyone you are remotely attracted to.

How do you think 90% of affairs get started?

Avoid looking at body parts that look better than what you have at home.

Avoid situations that could leave you vulnerable to the wrong decision or a sudden 'impulse', particularly when alcohol, travel or hotel rooms are involved.

Never think you are 100% trustworthy. Have you ever lied to get out of an obligation gracefully? Cheated on taxes? 'Borrowed' a pen or something from work you never returned? All little things, yes. So is a little pat on the back. A hug. A little kiss on the cheek. Two months later it will be a little weekend together. Stop it before it starts.

Step 4: NEVER think your spouse will never know.
When two become one flesh, half of the relationship will know. YOU will know. Your relationship will diminish by half. And if you are `weak` just once, the second time will be easier.

If you have already cheated, stand firm and live by a new commitment.

Get a friend to call you when you are out of town and ask you if you are standing firm.

Sorry if this sounds preachy as I am preaching to myself. I had a revelation several months ago when a buddy of mine asked me to dinner and a drink afterwards. At his favourite watering hole, I noticed a young lady at the table next to us with a model`s body and revealing outfit. For all of 30 seconds, I had a rush of thoughts I had not had since I met my bride 6.5 years ago. It was almost as if I was single for half a minute. Then sanity took over and I asked God to forgive me, made abrupt apologies to my host and went home.

In that flash, I realised how much I love my wife and how easy it would be to lose the joy, love and happiness my stable home and marriage brings to me. If it were not for my faith in God as the centre of our marriage and family, I might have been tempted to strike up a conversation. Hey, I might be 51 but I am not dead!

Love and remain true to your spouse. Families, companies and empires have fallen because of an 'innocent' look, a touch or a face... that launched a thousand ships.

2007-01-15T03:33:00.000+08:00

went for the macritchie walk on 31 dec 06 with my colleagues and caught a couple of movies during that long wkend. Cant rem what i actually did but cept for the day after the walk when i rested at hm, i was out every other single day, haha not too bad an accomplishment for myself.

its 3.05 am on a monday and i just finished my team's match where we lost. its just one of those days when we dominated the match but lost... thats life, it sucks sometimes, ermm make that most of the time. haha

looking at a new year, im going to do something different this year at work. so its a whole new ball game for me, supposed to be briefed on the expectations this wk.

just met up with adrian, his wife and the other brothers and sisters earlier, thou a couple didnt make it. in all it was pretty fun with the shopping and chatting etc. but i must admit this time round that im not so gd with girls am i. perhaps lawrence is right after all, older u get smaller ur balls. hopeless ...absolutely hopeless.

i would like to travel abit this yr, will prob start with a track in malaysia which im planning to do in feb this year. hopefully can cover a bit more than s.e asia this time round, maybe china, maybe S.korea, but as usual its about finding the kakis to travel.

i was told just the other day that a frens's sis's fren passed away in cambodia, she was in sean reap alone, apparantly she was robbed and killed. and there i was telling everyone that sean reap is really a safe place to visit now. but honestly it is, with the vol of tourists in the area. may she rest in peace, and for my frens who have thoughts of travelling alone, thou i do not forsee anyone of u girls doing that. just take note lar har.

and in case i forgot, thank u yiwen for the great dinner we had at your place :)

------------------------------------------------------

i look ard and i look at myself and often i wonder what is wrong with me ... ...

oh yeah i opened my scotch wiskey just a while back, which i bought at the duty free and its supposed to be really gd whiskey. trying to appreciate, erm acquiring the taste for it, you know what ... it still sucks. really

2006-12-26T01:09:00.000+08:00

Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life and to be needed.

-Storm Jameson

A fren fwded this to me, and since i tot it looks nice decided to keep it here.

Been really quite awhile since i last blogged.
--------------------

Summer

With regards to the phone which nv came, it did come a day later and we went out for dinner and subsequently brought her to equinox for coffee before we called it a day, that was back in early sept. we subsequently went out on a couple of more dates before she left in the first wk of dec. The last night she was in Singapore was kinda crazy as i was basically waiting for her call for most of the evening. Ended up with the 2 of us watching the boats and stars at east cost from ard 1 to 4am with her catching her flight at 7 odd and me getting back to office at 9. Perhaps in another time we would have been together but shrugs. Still corresponding by email. Maybe just maybe sometime nxt yr we will mt again if i do visit her after her final yr exams.

haha and she actually bought me a ring for my birthday, lol, guess we will never know what it actually means, tot im more inclined to believe its just an accessory than anything else.
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Xmas

let me start with xmas, the wk before it was pretty much spent running ard getting presents for colleagues. Managed to meet up with Julia for dinner in the midst of it, and damn shes hot haha. think its gona be awhile before we meet up again.

spent xmas eve with lee wei and pauline drinking wine at sungei tengah, it was pretty cool i would think. Guess i was in a gd mood, seldom am i in the entertaining self. gf food, gd wine, err or ok wine with gd company, not too bad a xmas eve at all.

oh yeah i went to church in the morning, which is something ive not done for awhile. aunt told me to go over to grandparents place for an impromptu get together guess what, she didnt turn up with her family duhh. only my xiao ar yi's family turned up and that was after i called them. but not too bad lar i must say, everything worked out, as i went straight to pick up pauline and lee wei after the "family get together"

Thank God for the good friends i have in office, germit and anita for the wonderful presents & coy. calvin and amilyn for their kind thoughts, shawn for queer humour, jeffereson for his grumblings, huilin for her sweet smile and antics, meimin for her jitteries and weird suanings. and of course my new frens from the new batch, pauline who got me a chip munk for xmas, lee wei (nt so new) whom have added life and colour to the office, and most imptly my life.

saying that many of my friends would be leaving soon, and alot more over the nxt yr. Lets just take it a step at a time. yeah...

-------------------

Adrians wedding

one of the more interesting thigns which happened this year must be me acting as a brother for my gd fren adrian's wedding and mcing for his wedding dinner. for the first time in my life i bought and wore a suit. The morning event where we were supposed to pick up the bride went so much smoother than i expected. didnt kena tekan at all haha. smooth sailing all the way. silly me was trying to memorise the script in the afternoon but i actually ended up just reading from the script during the event and everything turn out so much better than i expected, quite please with myself to be honest. n yes silly me had a crush on one of the sisters, it was a weird feeling like damn shes the one ive been looking for all this time. let me stress again that its silly. for some weird reasons i tot we were compatible, but maybe the moment when i saw her playing with adrian's what u call that rats, did it. adrian will be planning a get together for the bros and sis, and we will just see how it goes, thou i honestly am not giving it too much thoughts. the ironic thing was adrian had spoken of introducing this girl to me many months back. shrugs ... ...

pple get more cynical with age i said, my fren pretty much sum it up with this: as u get older, your balls become smaller, and you are more afraid of failure.

am i ? lol i honestly do not think so. m i secretly hoping that serendipity will come into play somehow. yes ... ...

------------------------

was reading the entries which i had in the past 2 yrs, when along the way did i become so cynical, numb and nonchalent towards my surroundings?

2006-12-04T22:13:00.000+08:00

Issit Murphy's law of what could possibly go wrong will go wrong... it sure happened today.

Supposed to take test this afternoon. Arrived to look in my gym back to find my exam entry sheet to be missing. Almost went crazy, and a fren got to print that out and rushed down for me, now as if that wasnt bad enough, was told that my driving license is not gd enough, and they need NRIC for validation, stating that its rules and regulations etc, and i ended up having to write a letter to explain that. Thank god the test was alright. Came out and guess what, my cigrattes which I just bought is missing ... I have just absolutely no reason how they could be missing. Could they have somehow dropped out of my gym bag when I rode down to the exam centre? Beats me... And did i mention that after the paper, I almost got into an accident not once but twice within 5 mins.but thank God for a gd friend and ar hem ... my composure. N yes, it wasnt all bad, at least the paper went well, and it didnt rain.

Well one thing that I can see from this incident, look I dont blame the examiners for doing their job, but if i were to be the examiner, i prob wouldnt give 2 hoots as long as i get a proper ID to prove that the candidate is the candidate. Done ...
Some of these red tapes can seriously be downright silly. Common sense vs "rules". Im so in need of a break.

2006-10-02T14:09:00.000+08:00

02 Oct

Decided to take the day off afterall. The past 2 days have taken its toll on me, 2 silly guys getting drunk on red wine on sat and the running about on sunday. Actually, went back to town to watch football with sm frens and reach hm only at 2.
Once again a simple thank u.

2006-09-10T23:41:00.000+08:00

九月十号 2337

用了一天等着一通没来的电话

奇怪的感觉

了解

----------------

九月十一号 0000

生日快乐

2006-09-06T22:14:00.000+08:00

Tired,

Great way to tell someone that hes wanted, u can come in after our discussion, we'll call you

Just great! ... ...

Oh yeah did I mention that THE presentation went well? Honestly I wasnt so sure myself, was feeling tired before it, came out feeling numb, even thought it might have been abit flat, was told that it was gd, not so sure if this is a case of pple being nice.

And the realisation that actually there really is nothing much to presentations, just needs practise, nothing more nothing less. After awhile ur face just gets thick enough thats all.

tired, another of those days when i reach hm with a slight headache.

2006-09-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are very passionate and quite temperamental. While you can be moody, you always crave comfort.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself.

Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

2006-08-29T01:19:00.000+08:00

its 1.14am on a Tuesday morning

My head is really heavy and I can't sleep. Too much work in the head is not gd for health. Presentation tomolo where the deputy director is sitting in, and I've not even gotten down to writing a decent script, sounds lame, but been real busy since early last wk,so its touch and go. last wk was so so long ... ended up taking 4 bottles of wine too. i was telling a friend earlier," what a way to start the wk"

Realised that I've grown so much with this job. yawnz ... dun wana bore everyone with this.

someone meet me for dinner this wkend, i sure can do with some company ... really. seriously i need more stuff in my life than just work ... just not enough anymore

oh yeah its real weird to get a friend's gf calling u in the middle of the night sobbing and everything after a fight with my friend. but am glad that things did turn out ok for them in the end.

oh yeah and i scored the first goal in my inter departmental fotsal league, haha. looked really nice but was quite a fluke thou.

ill just try to go back lie down and hopefully sleep...

2006-08-14T02:07:00.000+08:00

I am Keith, Tai Shi Ping/ Dai Shi Bin aged 27, a Singaporean.
When I was a kid in primary school, my friends call me dustbin
When I was a teenager playing basketball in my neighbourhood, they call me da tou bin.
Later on, they just call me Keith.

I am from humble backgrounds, my dad came over from Msia when he was a teenager he told me he had to sleep with the pigs when he first came over as he couldnt find lodgings. He then worked in construction and subsequently as a factory worker. He used to work long shifts then and now he always complain of insomnia. He lost his job in the late 80s and became a security guard at raffles place, it must have been quite a sight as he couldnt speak english. He then rented a small area to sell some simple provision stuff, from there, we now have a small shop space where he continues to sell provisions.

My mum gave birth to me when she was 22. She has 6 other siblings. She met my dad at the factory where they used to work. She could have went JC but chosed not to as shes bad with English. She dreamed of becoming a designer/seamstress or something and took up professional courses. Somehow it didnt work out, and she became the mother of 2 boys. Shes had it really tough, with 2 boys who wld constantly worry her, a traditional husband whos not really loving if u know what I mean. Recently she took up english lang courses at the cc, while she got a B for her first attempt, she tried again and got an A for her second attempt, I am so proud of her.

I have a younger brother whos 3 years younger than me, he used to look up to me but I was a bad brother. I was really bad during my teenage yrs, and i didnt realise he needed me most then when he was in sec 1. He got into bad company and I feel that its my fault as I could have prevented it. I did not care for him enough, and he got into trouble. Today, he doesnt speak to my parents or to me. And it seems nothing could change this, an eternal regret for myself.

I am Keith, I am now a civil servant, i ride a bike and sometimes drive my dad's van ard. I am glad being a Singaporean but I am so envious of others when I travel. I will probably be happy if Im wealthy as Singapore is so expensive to live in. I dread thinking of paying for my own flat, when Im still trying to help pay off for the current one. Im in the midst of searching for my life, prob im in the qtr life crisis or s/t. I can safely say that I will prob fight for Singapore if we go to war, so I guess I still love Singapore afterall, thou i hate reservice.

2006-08-14T01:55:00.000+08:00

Been wanting to write, but ive just been so bogged down by everything ard me. To put it short I NEED MONEY ... not that I really need it, just that I must hv it for me to do something else, something which will be better for my soul? Dun wana just waste everyday away which happens to be what im feeling these days, everyday that passed without doing something that U believe in, means ermm 8-12 hrs of life lost that ull never be able to retrieve.

I'll prob be able do really well in my current job if I stay on with it, which is what everyone thinks. But im feeling stifled, and Im not enjoying it as much as I used to, which also means that I'll prob prove everyone wrong. It used to be a passion, now its just a job. Well I did see it coming but not so soon I guess.

A long wk ahead, with everything culminating to the big Monday on 21st. S/t I cant afford to screw up. S/o meet me for a beer on the evening of 21st?

2006-07-25T01:35:00.000+08:00

刚看完百万富翁的初恋，有许多感动

想到已过世的朋友，想到一些往事
真的应该重新反省自己的人生反省自己为什么不管多么努力却一直处于不开心的状态
因为活着其实是很好的不是吗
有点对不起那些已经不在了的朋友我的表现让你们失望了吧

如果两个人相爱了那就让它一辈子吧虽然有点傻但却还是想到了那曾经和你相爱的日子
有个女孩曾经问过我如果这一刻她就这样去了我会怎样我没回答她
她接着说如果你有什么三长两短我也活不下去了
我想着的是我会想着你等到直到我们再相遇的那一天
好傻怎么还会想到这些陈年往事

问候

风停止时间也停止
对我来说不足的事情
一次的微笑最後的问候
我爱你

时候疲倦爱情痛苦
到那时间最後的追忆
做最後的问候吧
我爱你我爱你

fly away fly away love

um..

fly away fly away love
fly away fly away love

我人生最唯一的爱情啊
再...见

Came across this blog while I was searching for the lyrics for the song. Thought that some of the stuff that this girls been writing are really pretty good. She really has some sincere pieces. Highly recommended.

http://guest.blogboy.net/user1/880/

2006-07-09T01:55:00.000+08:00

读了一些书
它们说到不要马上面对自己的感情让感情沉淀后感触思绪会更加清澈
我这一刻的感触：若不在那一刻将自己的感情写下来或许也就这样永远的失去了

刚听完了近三个小时的933
觉得志勇（可能写错了）是个相当不错的DJ, 通常不听933的理由是应为感觉有点儿戏但丁志勇给了我不一样的感觉有点让我感到自己又回到了15 岁的时光，那总是感到莫名优愁的时光。也没什么好不好的，或许跟自己这一刻的心情有关吧

成年人的感情世界与还是青年时毕竟是不一样的
但最近遇上了一个让我用了最简单的方式爱了的女孩
没有压力也不需太多的伪装更不需要炫耀或强调什么
就是最简单的喜欢了一个女孩

了解到喜欢一个人有时也会带给她压力女孩都怕人言可畏吧
特别是一个外地的女孩在一起的时间都是愉快地
虽然也知道一切其实并不可能又或许说需要极大的勇气和努力吧

应了她一个礼拜没见她了自己也或许发现到其实保留现状是最好的顺其自然
但又有点无法对自己之前的感情有所交待
没什么真的没什么

明天醒来时又是新的一天现代人面对感情的洒脱令我佩服得五体投地
那也是成年人面对感情的一种方式也让我想到这是成熟还是自私自我保护
只希望这种态度不会让人变得容易忆望

2006-07-01T11:41:00.000+08:00

Someone told me to try this out, and here it is. Help me out will ya?

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Keve

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Keve

2006-06-27T01:39:00.000+08:00

The wks finally done. Im feeling slightly relaxed now, until further details on the nxt presentation to my sm.

Ridiculously missing someone for no reason, think im gona see her tommorrow. Taking each day as it comes. Today I started wondering if I could really stay in this job forever, if I cant perhaps I shld leave now. This might take awhile as the nxt change might be pretty drastic, I'll admit that Im a coward, afraid to break away from my comfort zone. We will see.

I cant live everyday as it is, finishing work and finding myself staring at evening time, not having any idea what I shld do, its not too bad if theres dinner plans. Im not a family person, in this sense I take after my dad, would rather hang out outside then be at hm. Trying to be a better son thou, to keep my mum company now and then watching tv, shopping etc.

Wonder what will be in store tommorrow, its really a gd time isnt it. Prob take a short trip soon, Singapore is really boring to be honest, but its prob the same everywhere else and then again the close proximity of Singapore to everywhere else makes it again a gd place to live in. I can hope onto a plane anytime, especially now that budget airlines taking off, head off to Bali, bangkok, hongkong, hanoi and even further up north like shanghai or something. That will prob be the lifestyle, travelling as and when I want to, with a job to just provide enough for me and this lifestyle and hopefully finding someone to share it with.

2006-06-16T01:40:00.000+08:00

I am already 26 , I shld not be experiencing what I am experiencing.
I said: When it comes to love nothing is logical. My friend: No, you are the one thats illogical. Hes prob right, and then again he will never be able to understand me. Hes pragmatic, Im idealistic, our definition of things are different, how then will he understand?

I miss my friend because I want to talk to her. I really do, because shes the only one who would understand. Yes my friend you are the only one, and God help me cause I miss you so. I really miss you. How time pass, a mth more and it wld hv been a yr. My best girlfriend you are, and how I miss you so.

Im not sure if this is love, Im not sure of anything at all.
Strolling under the moonlight after a hard days work, wanting to know more about her. Im not sure what this is at all. I know and yet I don't, I can feel it but I'm not sure. Everything thats going on without expectations, not daring to hope, I duno what this is at all. I take a day as it comes, knowing everyday the end draws nearer. We are both too tired to think, pragmatic enough to not hope. I would like to ignore what the others say, yet can't be selfish enough to ignore her feelings. I think shes handling it better than me. Or could I have gotten everything wrong. Things are so obvious and yet it cant be so. Laughing when she laughs, hurting to see her so drained, wishing I could do more, but I need not ask cause she is so cool. She need not know, just doesnt need to, she doesnt ask, she never probes. She would just appreciate and smile. I am tired, I think she knows, from the day's work to waiting for that walk. Would just sit after a days work, watching her with her dealings before we take our walk. I really dont need more, than just that walk, I dun need more.

2006-06-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

Just finished my one wk reservice. Had lotsa free time waiting and idling,which also meant that I found time to finish my book and thinking thru stuff. Ie to say reservice wasnt tat bad afterall, laughing to the silly jokes and taking a break from it all. Ive been reading What should I do with my life by po bronson, essentially a collection of short stories of differen pple, the decisions they made, the difficulties they faced etc. Enjoyed reading it to say the least, will highly recommend it to anyone out there with a few hours to spare, might give u a new perspective.

Say life has been quite a bitch. Long hours, often finding myself in twilight zone, time seems to pass so fast, while I often end each day not even sure what I have accomplished. not fun waking up on a wed morn, nt wanting to go to work. things got bad just the other day when i had to say no to a colleague who requested for help which was the first time i said no to someone asking for help. Ive always believed that its kind of a blessing to be able to help, and I take it on me personally to help as much as i possibly could. N I guess that kinda hurt a bit, the saying no...

stuck in a bureaucracy, recently i often find myself having negative thoughts, why am i such a sucker etc. There really is no need to carry everything, helping out with the work of that slacker etc all in the name of the team. Underpaid? maybe, if u factor in e number of hours. It may sound crazy but come this age, Im beginning to realise perhaps how much I am worth. So much that I might even have this misbelief that I can just call up for a job bang x 3 and somehow manage to talk my walk into it.

Recieved 2 calls asking me to go for interviews in this wk alone. A journalist job to write for a magazine which pays peanuts, and a job handling portfolios, which pays well. But anyway, I realised that Im not ready to leave just yet, no doubt Im disgruntled, but then I love the job, the pple, well some of the pple. Its really the bureaucratic govt system which is lagging by 20 years that irritates me. Im just unable to think or behave like most of the other bureaucrats in this organisation. seriously someday i will be shot, perhaps then i will be able to move on. Theres this private joke among some close friends that someday im going to be the martyr. Reforms...

I will prob write down a list of what I want in my new job, more money, responsibilities, travel, opportunities etc, etc. Something crazy came across my mind just the other day, how about working in China? quit my job grab a backpack and head to china. wonder how the immigration works thou...

2006-06-06T01:11:00.000+08:00

The beginning of the end. Only in recent days have I kinda gotten closer to understanding what this phrase meant. I can only leave it in God's hands. Whatever happens, even thou its only the beginning, it will certainly be one of the highlights of my mid 20s. I am beginning to realise that im quite an idealist. N im certainly praying that things will work out, needing something quite close to a miracle. I cant believe how crazy I am sometimes, but when I do, I cant believe how I do the things I do too. Beauty and kindness. Beauty gets the attention, but kindness is what catches the heart. Silly man, silly man. I thank the Lord for this episode at this current time where I find myself getting more and more lost with each passing day. Love and faith, faith and love. Passion and hope, hope and passion. The essentials to makelife worth living. Yes life is living for the moment, following your heart. I would rather crash and burn than live a life of solitude. But its always been abt meeting someone, that someone which alters all perceptions.

At a time when my faith was wandering, I opened the bible and this is what I saw.
By Faith Hebrews 10:18:11

And that will be all for the time being ...

2006-04-18T21:18:00.000+08:00

Just read my last entry and realised that the english is really, really bad.
So much for trying to write something at 4 in the morning.

2006-04-17T03:23:00.000+08:00

I just read www.rockson.blogspot.com, and I thought it was really funny.

Well would just like to share abit about my own views on the coming election.

Seeing the things,I've seen, Singaporeans really should be glad that we have a good govt. The expats here wants to stay here and set up their families, Singapore is great, mainly because the govt is good. Agree?

We all know what our govt is capable of, and what they have done. For those who've seen the session between MM Lee and the young pple and do not agree with what Lee had said, I guess ur an idealist. MM Lee just told u the true cruel truth that it will take alot for any other parties to come up against PAP, and for the matter imvho against a govt thats been doing a gd job so far. PPle are nt interested not because PAP will always win, but rather because life is gd. Its as simple as that, imagine unemployment at 20 percent, children not going to school and all those nonsense. Whether PAP is strong or not wouldnt have mattered, u, me, everyone would vote for a new govt. Just go think abt it.

Let me share another discussion I had with an English man, I told him theres no corruption in Singpaore, as our ministers are paid really good money, like millions to do a gd job and run the country. His reply: millions?!!? isnt that just another form of eerr corruption or something. U decide. My view: u pay peanuts, u get monkey.

R we therefore too reliant and have we put too much trust on our govt? My objective view is yes, we are. My own point of view k, I received a gd education, I lived comfortable in my hdb flat, I am living in a modern country with a strong dollar. I have a reasonable job and when Im in a third world country, I can afford to live it up like a king. Tell me, or rather ask urself (I believe most are in the same position as I am), what are u unhappy about?

History taught us that only in really bad times do govts get overthrowed etc blar blar blar, and the same goes for Singapore. I do not hope to see PAP being overtaken someday, as it would mean that Singapore is really in deep shit. Well pple would then say that, its to prevent this shit from happening that we should be conscious to our political scene and well vote for the oppposition party, so as to have someone to check on the govt. I say, and just as MM Lee had said, Get real. The opposition party aint strong enough, there cant come up with enough reasons to sway the pple. The govt had done a gd job which is perhaps why its hard to come up with any real reasons for the pple to vote otherwise. But by all means go vote for the opposition if u really feel they are any good, but not just for the sake of going against the govt, cause u never really know what kinda monster ur creating. And haha, if our govt is really not gd, at least we are well familiar with what its capable of, rational, forward thinking, bureaucratic blar blar blar, one thing i know is PAP wont be leading us into potential ruins.

Democracy according to the definition of another of my Taiwanese friend is where power is given to the pple. The pple are the ones who run the country. Is there democracy in Singapore? Politics as defined by MM Lee is the way to run the country for the pple. At the end of the day, what is impt is life. My view again, I can live under a monarchy, as long as theres a gd king.

OH yeah let me say this here, I know someone whos working in the govt sector for the past 20 odd years and shes always been voting for the opposition, lol because he happens to be her university school mate. Well, nothing bad has happened to her. shrugs, urban myths...

Looking into the micro aspects:
I spoke to alot of pple during my trip, and I remembered speaking to this taiwanese for a brief 15 minutes. Well, I told him that I felt or rather alot of Singaporeans felt that Taiwanese have nothing better to do than to participate in all those demos. He replied very simply, if Malaysia was to declare that Singapore is a state of M'sia and if we do not comply, they will invade us. U wld prob see maybe half the population going to the streets to demonstrate against it. Its really easy to just sit back and laugh at others, its only when u have to go thru the same shit, would u understand. Well, I guess, I cant speak for the taxi driver thats on the streets complaining about ERPS, competition, rising gas prices. I cant speak for the hawkers as well, seriously those in the older estates are really having a hard time (I know because my parents are hawkers), and many more of those who are unemployed etc. And maybe the govt really should start to care about its pple from these areas. Its not just the old and sickly who needs help. Its the average man out there whos trying to make a living whos calling out to u to not make life any more difficult for him, and we arent even expecting u to make it better, just dun make it any worse than it is.

This can go on 4ever... and I do realise that Im not going anywhere at all with this.
Just look at the countries ard us. Singapore is a miracle, and PAP created this miracle and personally for that I am grateful.
---------------------------------

Luda's death annivesary just passed a couple of days ago. I lamented to my mum just the other on 13th itself that how fast time pass. My dear friend, we will always remember. And God bless, my friends, Happy Easter.

2006-03-13T03:17:00.000+08:00

i was really suprised to know that peiqing is now in Australia. duhh why didnt anyone tell me abt it. from reading ur blog, I figured that ur doing some degree in education there issit? will definitely catch up with u the nxt time i see u k!!!

my last wk was frankly kinda crapy. sending smss to a friend who owes me some money. it seems like hes avoiding me. I do hope we can settle this like sensible adults. I dun wish to continue sending sms etc which he doesnt reply anyway. I hate to end up asking the money from his mum. Im in a no win situation. I dun want to do drastic stuff, but im being pushed, and he had already broken the camels back. guess what the camel just grow another back and then gets broken again n again. u shld be able to figure by now how pissed and agitated i am at this point of time. so if I really do something stupid, sighs that would be the end of this friendship, which unfortunately for me, it does seem that Ive trusted the wrong person. To have let this situation go on for a year, i guess is my way of saying that I trust u, n i guess uve difficulties blar blar blar. but enough is enough. n if he stubbornly refuses to commit himself to somekind answers to me... sighs. I duno if he visists this site. But seriously i Kinda wish he does.

was sick since last wed, got the flu bug, but still ive entered a busy period, and it was kinda hectic for thursday and friday. patience once again tested by colleague who just isnt pro active. God grant me patience! so much so much more patience! I do realise that my patience is kind thinning as i get older, kinda expect pple ard me to behave like sensible adults, yet why do pple still behave like spoilt kids even at this age! its really beyond me!

Went down to the old seletar airport for some wine on friday. Kinda into wine these days, cause ermm im trying to avoid beer for obvious reasons. I really like this pub thats just beside the runway. cool place, even thou we ordered the most ex wine there, it tasted kinda flat according to this fren of mine who knows abit abt wine. to me, well it just tasted like cheap wine.

I met up with Eunice for a third consecutive Saturday, thou this time it really wasnt planned for. I was alone at suntec after a meeting with my travelling mates. had planned to purchase some stuff but decided to go back the nxt day with my van.
Was waiting for Francis to turn up for dinner, when Eunice called, and I decided to drop by her place to chat for awhile. We ended up going for dinner, as for Francis, the buggeer later msg me that he was caught in the rain and had went home to change. So I was real glad that Eunice had called me.

The nxt day I was back at Suntec with Dominic, but he had to leave only like after half an hr, think he got some dinner to attend to. So was just wandering ard looking for the stuff that I needed, bought a cheapo sound system and a sd ram for the pictures that Im planning to take in indochin. Stranded once again at 7 odd and called Julia who was actually also at Suntech. unfortunately thou shes with her friends, and I headed down to uncle chengpeng's place to borrow his panasonic linux.
really cool camera. I would prob be able to know wat exactly i want in a camera after this trip. had wanted to do a purchase earlier, but decided otherwise, as frankly i duno that much abt cameras, so wat better way to borrow one and try it out. Uncle chenpeng taught me some basic stuff abt cameras, which i thought was pretty cool, n now im pretty much set for the trip, cept the mp3 player which ive yet to buy.

I believe its normal for pple to feel lonely from time to time, especially when ur alone. Its a really mix feeling, one moment ur feeling really comfortable with urself the nxt ur feeling how nice it would be if theres someone to be ard for dinner. N just to share, I think that for those that drive, once in a while we would feel just that little bit lonely, travelling down the expressway. anyway that was what I felt earlier on PIE going towards woodlands.

To Peiqing's question if im depressed or if the singlehood thing is really bothering me. My ans is no. Im not depressed, empty perhaps but not depressed. Singlehood, well I can always say that its fated, and that someday Ill meet the right person, yet its also pretty much by choice. go figure out. nah ... ermm this kinda thing cant force one lar, if it happens it happens.

Was telling Kenny earlier that for some weird reasons Im not excited with my Indochin trip. I just am not. If I hv enuff leave, Ill prob go to taiwan alone at the end of the yr. I just prefer travelling alone, especially in a country where language is not a problem. Less hassle, more of an adverture.

Oh yeah I caught this movie called 春逝, I caught it on a wk day morning ard 3 when I just woke up. Half way thru the movie, and I didnt really wish to carry on with the movie. I could just feel how the story is going to end. Still I finished it. Its really a very simple movie, which epitomises love found and lost. Felt really blue the nxt day, sighs ... fully understood every single damn detail of the movie, dumb dumb dumb

春逝：在爱情的声音里破茧成蝶
来源：作者：舒曼 2003-10-14 12:09:35

　　《春逝》是一个很东方、很有味道的译名，流泻出一种难以言说的伤感。在这部影片里，春天里的一段情，缠绵不过几个月的时间，即使在短暂的青春岁月里，几个月也说不上太长；我想，许秦豪想表达的“逝去的青春”，应该是对青春的爱情感觉的一种怀念。当青春被一个人的眼神烫伤，那如鹿撞怀的心动、那飞蛾扑火的激情、那拥爱人入怀时的疼惜，都是那样的刻骨铭心。然而，她又是那样的易碎易逝。人生中很多事我们可以找回、弥补甚至从头再来，可这份青春时的爱情感觉，在绝大多数人的生命里，却只能有一次。爱上那个人，不一定是初恋，但一定有每时都想笑出声的心情，而且一定还不知道那种爱情破碎和逝去时的痛不欲生。

　　大男孩李尚优对电台DJ韩恩素怀有的就是这样一份情感。风过竹梢、清晨落雪，还有潺潺的溪水欢快向前，尚优在这些美妙绝伦的声音里对恩素情愫暗生，青春的面庞和无邪的笑容让每个人都能会想起自己也曾有过那样的真诚和炽热。恩素渴望那美景中入画的年轻男人温暖自己冰冷的寂寞，她伸出双手把他带进了这场爱情，两个人享受着春天的一切。

　　然而，恩素的情感很快冷却了，或者说是她又把自己包裹起来的惯性使然，她冷淡深陷其中的尚优，选择和另一个男人开始另一种感情。尚优给她的纯净之恋虽然美好，她却始终没法把自己的沧桑与其对接。 “成人世界”的感情生活是“淡出淡入”，但可以在深夜里从很远的地方赶来看她的尚优，爱一个人时只知道毫不犹豫地捧出心来给她看，他不可能化解她心上的厚茧，她又怎么让他明白在感情的追逐和放弃中有着那么多的“技巧”和自我保护的方法？相差太远的人，注定无奈的爱情。

　　尚优的奶奶是作为一个鲜明对照出现的，她深爱的男人背叛了他，她不能原谅情敌，却始终对那个男人不能忘怀。她知道他已死，却仍时常去他回家的车站等他，只为寄托那一生不变的爱与思念；尚优的爸爸也如是，难以忘怀已故的前妻。我们感叹这样天长地久的爱情，却无法阻止自己的感情在今天变成“速食面”，甚至无法再用从前的道德来要求爱情，只能是在某个夜晚，在别人的故事里追忆那逝去的真诚和热情。尚优一定也是遭此困惑，否则导演不会安排他与父亲倾谈、在奶奶怀里哭出了声——只有他们才能真正体会到他的伤，才能肯定他爱情的价值。

　　影片的感情基调从温到凉，但凉到每个人都回到了生活中我们波澜不惊的面孔的时候，许秦豪给了我们一个最热的结尾：尚优重又带着那记录了他们爱情的声音的录音机，来到阳光下的芦苇丛，夏风欲醉，他在一片安宁平和中打开录音机，慢慢沉浸在美妙纯净的声音里……

　　暌违多日的感动的感觉。风过芦苇丛，那天籁之音像只温柔的小手轻触心灵。这曾是爱情感觉的声音不再激荡人心，却带给尚优美丽的重生。尚优能够拒绝恩素，一个人触碰关于往昔的回忆，说明他真的渐渐释怀了。大男孩在这种感觉里破茧成蝶，微笑着让银幕前的我们明白爱情里那可贵的宽容与成长。

　　与其《八月照相馆》相似，许秦豪一反好莱坞追求矛盾最大化、在戏剧冲突最激烈时达到高潮的叙事风格，以东方人特有的内蓄、和谐之感将冲突慢慢淡化，不重叙事重感情，再加上唯美的画面和音乐，将一个关于宽容的爱情故事娓娓道来。

　　近年的韩国爱情电影兼容欧洲电影的现实风格和日本电影的细腻唯美，在探讨爱情这一主题的时候，注重情感本身的起承转合和现代人作为个体的情感体验，引起了世界范围的关注。中国电影业在进行这方面的尝试，像近年来很有水准的《开往春天的地铁》，展现了爱情里的诸多概念，比如尊严、嫉妒、诱惑、时间等等，并采用欧洲式的对镜独白和心理探索方式，关注现代男女的情感关系。

2006-02-27T04:08:00.000+08:00

待着复杂得心情写下了这些
因为需要为发生过的事情做个交代

06 年2 月24日
又一位同事去世了
一启交通意外就这样夺走了他的生命
4 点时还 ...

I stopped at this point on 27 Feb 06. Its already March 5.
Soon Beng's depature made it the 4th in 13 months for me. I must admit I was abit numb. Had came to the conclusion long before that things like this are fated, but cant help feeling all bitter about it. Very bitter in fact. He was a great guy, a big heart, a great sense of humour, someone who is really different. May God have mercy.

Work for the pass few weeks had been slow. Anyway it seems like not a day would pass without someone atwork teasing me on my singlehood. Well, I dun really mind it, cept when it becomes serious. N a colleague of mine now wants to introduce her friend to me. Now Im in a position where I cant say no. I really dun mind meeting someone new, but I am abit fearful of this: what if the girl sees me and falls in love with me. wahahhhahaha I can be such a pompous ass. jokes aside, the last time some friends tried to matchmake me, they didnt tell me, didnt provide me with any early warning, and the girl who came along was oh my god, bigger in build than I am. I think I kinda handled it pretty well, but why wld anyone even think that Keve could bring himself to like a giant. Once again, I am superficial. On a side note, 2 pretty girls complimented that they were suprised that I am single. hmmm wahahhahahhahha

N then again just as I am beginning to be convinced that I am bloody superficial and stuff, I got to meet a waitress who was so plain that I believe any other guy would not have given her another look, yet I found her strangely attractive.

No offence, but I was thinking of the psychological reasons why pple decide to start a blog and then without warning decide to end it. I dun want to gt too philosophical but wouldnt a break from whatever uve committed urself to be a better approach than saying, "find Im done with this". well then again, its nt a big deal anyway.

Diff pple use a blog for diff reasons. Me, I dun care if nobody reads this. In fact, not many know abt this site. Frankly this is more of like an on line diary. I didnt want to write because my handwriting sucks, and i wouldnt want to type and save it in the pc, in case my pc crash. So the no frills way wld be to write on the net. I think that its gd to keep a little account of your life, as quite simply we cant possibly rem everything, especially certain dates where significant events took place. N by the way I do enjoy writing once in awhile.

I wld just like to say a big thank you to Yiwen for her friendship. I strained my leg the other day, was hoping that I could rest it off, but well in the end, it didnt happen and so I wasnt able to meet up with u girls. I didnt know that u had another blog, well, now I know. And by the way what is this supposed to mean: Keve is a shark. He only shows you his jaws after he bite off your legs hahahhahaa

Yiwen: lets try to meet up for dinner on one of the week days in this wk k?

At this moment, I am feeling slightly please in life, cheers to good friends, gd food, red wine, gread conversations and fantastic company.

2006-02-23T02:24:00.000+08:00

有没有的工作越来越多
也不知道是好还是坏
做完了再说吧
做得来便是好做不来 ermmm

好无聊一天过一天真的好无聊
无聊的看人生基本上每天都在等死吗

活了二十七年也不知道为了什么
莫名其妙的活了二十七年

这一刻的我没有想追求什么
不渴望爱情金钱地位
什么也不想要

只想半夜里的天空会有个人和我说说话

望着窗外想着如果能飞那该有多好

没喝酒但有点醉胡言乱语的我。。。
嗨，。。。胡言乱语的我

2006-02-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

看完了大长今，蛮多感触
最近经常觉得不管自己做的再好换来的都是别人的嫌言闲语
就像戏里说的竟关是没有企图却还是伤害到了别人
在工作上挑战自己想改变认为是不正确的变成了是高傲自大
上司所给于的平价总是让自己惊恐更别说懂得如何反应同样的也换来了别人的白眼
难道自己就是那么一个不知所为的人吗？简间单单一天过一天装疯卖傻于事无争不好吗？不可以也做不到

清楚知道自己思想比较守旧比较儒家
竟管能够了解也能够明白但发生在自己周围的人与故总还是觉得莫名其妙
偶尔也会被人取笑为大男人也不想辫解相信自己有一颗懂得如何去体谅与抱容的心

跟朋友走在繁忙的大街上哼着歌感觉不到周围的许许多多
人很累应为心很累
那天在谈笑中忽然来了一句你怎么感觉上越来越寂寞无言以对
好久以前我便是这样了照理说我早该累死了感觉上却和很多年前没什么不同

经常会想起那些已经不在了的朋友一点伤一点无奈一点牵挂一点不知所措
想听陆达对我说一些工作上的无聊与不如意想听他说一些对将来的包袱
相告诉美玲我生活的点点滴滴听她笑我的无聊听她埋怨我和所有不愉快的事
想念在夜深人静里我们的谈笑我们的争执真得很想你
偶尔也会想起慧珊她对我的好我对她得不好一切的遗憾

想遇上一个善解人意心地善良的女孩
爱上了李英爱也或许让你笑掉了牙

偶尔会想买个几百万的保险对家里有个交待后从大家的生命力蒸发
在一个没有人认识自己的地方教着一群贫苦的小朋友
认识一个简单的女孩。再一次的不可以因为百字以孝为首

势力然我厌烦真心以对难道真得那么难

生活在这个都市的你快乐吗？

其实自己是幸福的一个完全不了解我的人曾经这样对我说过

2006-02-07T01:06:00.000+08:00

Issit just me or does CNY these days seem to be getting more and more tiring?

eve's eve, as usual I looked after the shop from dusk till dawn. Was reading da vincis code at ard 2 am when a some one called "zhang gui". Looked up and was suprised to see a colleague of mine with his wife whos yeah also a colleague in another dept. Chatted abit and they went off, and after a couple of mins, adrian dropped by to keep me company till 5. Chatted abit and really appreciated him riding his bicycle down from jurong west extension to the shop. He was rushing some assignments. So once again must thank Adrian for his friendship.

Pretty much just slept for the rest of eve, before heading for reunion dinner. Just dont feel the cny mood anymore.

First day of CNY was extremely tiring, with all the visiting, as the whole entourage go from one place to another. Fell asleep at my 2nd uncles place on my cousins bed.

Think nothing much happened on Monday, just rested at home.

Tuesday morning when to visit great grand uncle before the relatives came over to my place. Went for mahjong at pamelas place which was fun. Somehow CNY without mj, just doesnt feel right.

Oh yeah my eye was swollen since CNY eve and finally had to see a doctor on Friday 3 Feb. Rested at home last friday, but went out in the evening as I had promised a colleague to go down to pasir ris for some mj games. In short she lives in Jurong, and well I can provide the transport. It was fun, seriously im not that big a fan of mj. but it really helps to pass time, and imo beats playing some games on play station any time. At least theres the interaction, the human factor.

My eye is still swollen, and although it doesnt look as bad as last friday, the cyst or whatever that is has gotten bigger. Contemplating whether to go see a doc, tempted to just use a needle and poke it to get the puss out. So if I suddenly look like a pirate, u know why.

Oh and of course, Sat was one of those days when I was laughing most of the time. Met up with Angela, Ben, Huiyi and the "who are you" Serena at Marche Orchard. Like Huiyi said, life around Angela is also fun. We shld really do this again. Great company, great conversation, lotsa laughter and of course pictures with angela ard. do forward me the photos, angela, will u?

Met up with my sec school friend for a 2nd bout of laughters. Mostly silly talk, but was real glad to see everyone in the group present at one table, some with their respective gfs. Was really glad. Adjourned to Ohs place for mj after dinner. the stake was just too small, and I was really bored to be honest. Its not abt greed or how much money one can win. But Im really used to ar hem adult stakes, and kids play just aint for me anymore. But it was still fun hanging out.

2006-01-22T03:10:00.000+08:00

Work is gd I guess, meaning life is nt too bad.

Getting termed as ambitious more and more often. Colleagues joking abt me making to some chart, which I frankly do nt think it exists. Frankly dun really like this.
Goto reflect more on this, having passion and being driven = ambitious?

Went for drinks on Friday night, at ard 2 when i rcv my frens msg, was thinking i dun need a drink, come 6.30, I needed one.

Met up with Winson for some wiskey, make that alot of wiskey. Just cant take wiskey with just soda, taste like medicine. Met this group of interesting bankers, one of whom i had known 2 wks ago. Was fun playing some dice games with them. hope to see them more often in the future.

think i need to meet up with my insurance agent soon, just this feeling tat i wont live past 35 or 40, maybe even 30. so friends out there, buy me dinners before u wont get a chance to. Ill prob look back at this and laugh if I live till 50. N if I dun, the early warning has been given.

2006-01-16T00:00:00.000+08:00

Think Tuesday was a holiday, but I cant quite rem what I did that day. Oh I watched closer.

Wed, lost my phone on the cab.

Thursday, met up with Ju to watch Girl's nxt door. It was pretty fun, some of the lines were really original. Good for a after work show.

Fri, hanged ard to play pool, watch tv and have dinner at the rec club after work. Chatted with a colleague till 9 + 10 before callng it a day. Oh yeah had wanted to meet up with huiyi, yiwen and gang, but decided to give it a miss as i had just visited that buffet thing with some colleagues recently. N Im not gd with buffet, ending up eating alot of chicken rice.

Sat, met up with Francis for the usual breakfast at someplace in Jurong west. We do that every once in awhile. N then met Francis again in the evening to catch liverpool vs tottenham. sadly spurs lost.

Sun, went shopping with Mum at giant before heading for dinner. Treated her to a thai dinner set meal at some restaurant in IMM, while i had my usual Indon set meal. Im reall a big fan of Indon food.

2 more wks to CNY.

OH n Peng Kwee's bday is on 17th this wk. Anyone else interested to meet him for dinner before i give him a call?

2006-01-12T02:18:00.000+08:00

Dear friends,

I dropped my hp on a cab and the bastard aint picking up the call.
Kindly drop me ur number on my email

Thank you.

2006-01-11T00:46:00.000+08:00

If you believe in love at first sight... Take a closer look.

Those who love at first sight are traitors at every glance.

Closer

Set in London, England, good Samaritan Dan Wolf (Jude Law), a struggling writer, takes Alice Ayres (Natalie Portman), a shady young woman and part-time stripper, to the hospital when she's hit by a car, and they fall in love. One year later, Dan meets photographer Anna Cameron (Julie Roberts) and tries to pick her up, but she rebuffs him. In revenge, Dan sets Anna up for an embarrassing encounter with sex-addicted dermatologist Larry Bagley (Clive Owen), but the two end up seeing each other. Then another year later, Dan and Anna begin an affair of their own, and relationships between the four collapse. Over the next year, all of them become obsessed with hurting each other and wreak some heavy emotional damage. Will any of them be strong enough to put this destructive sequence of events to a stop?

Smart-but-ineffectual journalist Dan "We use euphemisms!" cant decide between his girlfriend, loving-but-clingy waitress Alice, or his lover cold-but-intellectual photographer Anna. Anna herself cant decide between Dan and honest-but-thuggish "You're bloody gorgeous!" doctor Larry. The film, as Tarantino might put it, puts the four leading characters in a box and then takes them apart.

For those who already knew, thats really what it is, isnt it.
For those who don't. Its just a movie.

2006-01-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

Everyday morning as I stare at myself in the mirror, I realise Im losing abit of myself everyday.

I caught Closer today, and also caught up with John.

I had dinner with Yiwen and Benjamin at crystal jade Great World yesterday.

If I were to wake up to the realities around me, I would certainly be a cruel person. May that day never happen.

2006-01-01T12:46:00.000+08:00

N so it is, 2006. Spent the last afternoon of 05 with a friend having a lazy lunch at this new Hongkong ermmm not really a restaurant, eatery yeah. Told me that he bought a car for 15k with another 6 yrs to go. Real glad for him, also meant that hes going to be one fetching me ard for supper instead of the other way round from now on. hahah.

Rained really badly ard 3+ 4.

Met up with some old sec school friends for dinner at queens rd. pleasantly suprised that 3 of the guys brought along their gfs. The girls in the group left for their parties and we headed down to Holand V. Come 10 odd 11, after Dominic went for a mov with his gf. There was only 4 of us left. Me, Oh, Irwin and his gf. After 12 struck and taking the photo below we parted ways.

Was suprised to see Julia online when I reached home. App her frens r in KL. Had a short, nice chat with her. Talked abit abt new yr resolutions. Told her that this is the year I stopped making new yr resolutions. Anyway later I added that my new year resolution would prob be to travel SEA. At the same time, I also realised that Ive fulfilled all my resoultions for the previous yr, cept for one.

Let me see what I would like to achieve this yr.

1. Learn another language (not very likely)
2. Buy a car ( not likely )
3. Picking up the er-hu ( Will get more details on this)
4. Doing another degree (not this yr, time to travel)
5. Do a diploma in tcm (hmm will revisit this idea in April)
6. Finding the right fox to start a fox hole with. ( not within my hands )

To all once again, have a great yr ahead.

2005-12-26T17:04:00.000+08:00

19 Dec

Woke up to rcv msg that a close friend's mum had passed away. It was later that I got to know that it was due to a cancer relapse, and it was really sudden. We have known Oh's mum since we were kids and were naturally sadden by the news. It affected me a fair bit for the first day, and life pretty much went back to normal after that. Spent most of time after work, folding "paper money" at e wake. N therefore, most of my dinner plans to meet up with my friends for the week were cancelled.

23 Dec

The eve of Xmas eve.

Didnt do much in the morning, pretty much just had coffee at the cafeteria as Me n some friends watched pple playing some games running ard the building. Went for lunch with boss and a few others. It was more light hearted than usual. Got the most unusual comment from my boss, ar hem that he thinks im cool, in a James Dean kinda way, but stressed that I shldnt mumble. Weird n I just go well too bad ur not a girl, and the girls acknowledged that what my boss said was rubbish, this kinda things cannot listen from guy 1.

Evening, went thru the motion at work. Met Eunice for dinner at this nice restaurant called Foster that Ive been going to at Holland V. Great food as usual, and I received this pair of cufflings, well my first pair of cufflings from dear eunice.
Well its xmas, and I wanted to do something different so I proposed we go take the cable car, as ive not taken that since i was a kid. Reaching MT Faber, we were pleasantly suprised to see the cafes, restaurants and the amt of pple there. Its just so different. Had drinks at Altiva if im not mistaken. Its a memorable xmas eve eve. Saying that I could not remember what I did last xmas and had to refer back for what happened.

Anyway this years pretty much the same, just lots and lots of dvds and movies that accompanied me. I guess Im quite a loser in that sense. Decided that I prob wont be in Singapore come nxt xmas. N Ive stopped making xmas wishes.

2005-12-19T00:54:00.000+08:00

Ive been wanting to write on the rest of my Bali trip, but I just wasnt able to get down to it. Someday when I feel like it I guess.

What I really enjoyed abt the trip wasnt the night life, the shopping or even the spectacular view at uluwata. It was really the time which I spent walking alone in the middle of the night, along Kuta beach in the morning and along the beach of Sanur and some deserted roads also in Sanur. I wasnt really thinking of anything, basically just walking. I cant really put into words whats so enjoyable abt that, but I guess I gained something out of it. The trip itself was lonely to be honest, but it wouldnt have been that good anyway else.

Was kinda reflecting thru the last year. N I must say that its been a hard year. Work, studies, friends gained, friends lost, burnt outs, inertia, loneliness. Guess everybodys going thru the same thing isnt it. But for those who know, u would be able to understand why its been such a hard year. Yet saying that, I dun really feel it when its happening, its only now when I look back reflected on whats happened that I realised what Ive achieved, gained and equally what I have lost.

2005-11-26T16:09:00.000+08:00

Friday,

I actually borrowed my dad's car, thinking that finally I can go out and perhaps just enjoy a Friday evening :)

Was thinking that from yesterday 1230 pm onwards, its going to be pretty light, well at least there wont be anything thats constantly hoovering ard my mind for awhile. Anyway thats what I hope. Reach back to office at ard 2 odd and ended up being the last to leave, actually wanted to leave early find somebody go catch harry potter or something, shrugs, anyway went hm, and I was kinda glad cause I got my sleep back. Slept like a log for a full 10 hrs.

Started the nxt day, feeling suprising ermm no fresh is not the word, just felt that I'm not lethargic and brain is functioning better hahaha But the blasting aircon at e office just didnt help, and under that ridiculous temp with a winter jacket on, somehow just made me very very sleepy.

Mid noon, something came in and before I knew it, it was coming 8. Somehow ended up feeling kinda dumd, as at e end of the day it wasnt really that urgent and a colleague unknowingly perhaps knocked some sense into me, and I was off. Suddenly there came this great need to have dinner, and may I add with company. Let me add again a female companion. Now I didnt need anything, I was famished, and I did want to go out and hv some fun. But it was just this need for someone to sit opposite me, like a shadow perhaps while I have a quiet if not good dinner. Japanese food was something that was on my mind, or something simple in a humble restaurant, somewhere quiet. Or an alternateive could be just company with alot of pple.

Well its afterall a Friday night, and with a significant increase in my nxt phone bill and feeling slightly despondent, I was on my way home. Shrugs, decided to get myself some beer, and kfc perhaps. Reached IMM and while walking towards giant, saw this HK movie by andy lau about the story of someone from a boy to an aged man. N so I decided to rent the disc from this vcd shop located at where I used to live in Jurong west. Got my beer, forgot my kfc and I was heading towards Jwest. Got coaxed into taking up a 50bucks package for renting discs, and I got what I wanted, and now its back to getting the chicken to pamper myself. OK, first I went to a KFC restaurant in Jwest, only to realise that they have ran out of original falvour chicken. Ok nah no big deal and I headed back to IMM, the guy in front of me orderd the last 2 pieces of original. Im not sure if I felt frustrated ... kinda bemused I guess.

And so I had my hoegarden and long john silver while I watched the movie.

Its actually a good movie. Makes u realise how much time you have, how impt perhaps ur life is. Teaches those who do not understand to see both sides of things. Makes u understand that tomolo itself is hope. Made me understand abit of how a friend felt when time wasnt on her side.

N yeah I was supposed to have company and I did get my early warning pretty early. Was just busy then and didnt tried enough to salvage the situation or did I... hmmm LOL

Not sure if I can do this another year, but theres always hope of some kind tomolo isnt it.

OH yeah this corny line came across my mind while I was driving earlier, say if ur supposed to intro urself in a SDU session or be it the on air dating thing on class 95. How would this line sound? Im abit of a workaholic and a total slop at home. I hope to meet someone to change both that.

lol lame ... ...

random random random

2005-11-23T08:52:00.000+08:00

Hmm while I was told that my injuries would need a month to recover, it pretty much cleared by the 10th day and I was able to walk with minimal pain. As it is, I prob cant run much as the muscles are still abit cramped. But I am amazed at the rate of my recovery. Super healing ability yeah LOL

its back to work, in fact its been a wk odd since I went back to work after a short break which consist of a 4 days leave, 2 days holiday, 6 days mc, with a working day in between. Was struggling to get up from bed for most part of last wk. In fact was late for 3 days, trust me I had 2 alarm on and I still couldnt get up. Prob because I slept close to 6. No discipline I say. Got nagged at by my boss, say Im all fine cept the discipline part blar blar blar. But I kinda figured that I can get away with it by being one of the last to leave you know ... really not a morning person.

Feeling of satisfaction when my evaluation of a particular issue was proven to be correct after a week, where before this it was pretty much shot down by almost everybody. I had the last laugh, I can only say its super shiok! For those who do not know me, Im the devils advocate, the rebel, the mad guy in the office, appreciated by those who work closely to me, feared of by some other ambitious human, misunderstood by the conventional. Friday, and my boss dragged me aside to talk to me again. I was thinking oh man, not again ... whats up this time. hahaha it was abt my eventual triumph, telling me to be careful with pple's feelings blar blar blar. I was giggling for much of that 15 mins of chatting with him. Nah Im really a humble guy whos really not into credit taking but then again, whos to believe that such a guy exist in this competitive real dog eat dog world?

Sometimes I do wonder if I can just put 50% of my effort in work into my handling of my personal relationships with friends, girls etc blar blar blar. I prob wouldnt be feeling as lonely often.

A test on Thursday, which incidentally will have a very big say in my promotion for the coming year. All I need is the paper, and Ive yet started my preparations.

Shooting myself in the leg, I mean, whats new?

So all I have to do is get thru this week, maybe 2 more presentations till the end of the year. N hopefully I can squeeze in a trip to Bali in early Dec. Keeping fingers crossed.

Anyone have friends working in NUH?

2005-11-10T21:01:00.000+08:00

hmm I met someone the other day, I tot she look really pretty! hahahha as complete strangers we started chatting abit. I noticed that shes really kind and polite. And we chatted abit again. I do hope I see her again. I hope shes not married and I wouldnt stumble if we ever meet again. There were a few girls who caught my interest for awhile in the past year, but things just didnt work out, personality difference etc but it can be concluded with lack of that special strong interest or this certain vision of belief.

To see a girl taking special efforts to help an old gentleman, sometimes something that simple is all that takes to capture the attention of a guy. A profession that requires alot of genuine passion helps too.

I am rather tired of girls who talk $, cars etc. N when it starts on living the high lif, I go errrr. Im never going to drive a prosche, but if I keep going the way Im going Im not going to be too bad in a few years time. Girls who are materialistic frankly leaves me with absolutely no sense of security but for a start, they are either knowingly or subconciously drawing the line, hey ur not worthy. If fate should decree that I fail somewhere in the later stages of my life, will the girl leave me? Looking at most life cases the answer is yes. Yet theres another side of me that says whats the big deal, of course a guy should provide, and its alrite for a girl to think that way. In fact that was the way I felt thru a very big part of my adulthood until recently as I figured that if im a girl, I probably will be one materialistic bitch as well. Cause such is our society.

Then there is the argument that this view of singapore women is so superficial, and hence being directed with the comment "U duno anything abt women". I simply laugh and said perhaps we have been meeting different groups of women in our different walks of life till this stage. Tell me, am I really wrong on this? LOL, no matter how much U run away in denial, its the harsh truth, but then again as I stress again it really aint the girls fault, we have been brought up to be materialistic, or rather under the influence of materialism. duhh whats the difference anyway.

I prob will never be able to afford a porsche or own, have a yacht at the clove. But then again who knows.

---------------------------------------

Many colleagues have been kind enough to visit me these past few days, so much that I was joking I now have enough fruits to set up a fruit stall. N thats kinda heartwarming. :)

2005-11-07T04:51:00.000+08:00

Oh man I slipped the other day, there was sand and it was raining. One moment I was on the road the nxt I was lying there. Thanks Yiwen for keeping me company thru that cold cold night. U must have been really bored from all that waiting.

2005-10-29T00:40:00.000+08:00

Someone said that I shld perhaps work harder on selling myself...

So here goes...

Anyone keen on a romantic old fahsioned guy?

Theres no point having success in ur life when theres no one to share it with. More often than not telling others abt how successful u r in some areas will ultimately look as if ur bragging. So I guess after awhile we just keep quiet. Its really the sharing part which is missing that hurts sometime. N these days, when things get u down, we no longer make that call and a simple beer often suffices. Being alone, I often find myself in inertia. N I guess thats that.

2005-10-26T19:18:00.000+08:00

Oh and do u know that Keve is actually a Hungarian name meaning pebble.

2005-10-26T18:43:00.000+08:00

Im trying to recall what happened for the past wk n so

flashback friday 2 weeks back, once again a last min attempt to find pple for dinner. Friday is usually the day where I find myself desperately looking for drinking companion if not for a simple dinner. And as usual failed pretty badly in my search, was abt to leave the basement carpark when i saw my colleagues from downstairs, and the handsign to go for drinks was given and accepted. Had dinner at HV, before heading down to one of those ktv pubs along tanjong pagar. HAHA met this most amusing china girl from Hebei. Shes ermm very self entertaining, must to my amusement. I laughed a fair bit seeing how my friends entertained her. Not one for such places, I enjoyed my drinks and looked at the girls. Also I realised that these guys can sing!

J then called me, as when I reached Tanjong Pagar, I wondered if shes oso in the area as shes always at this shop there. Kinda suprised that she was but she said shes going down to queensway to do some sports. But subsequently got to know shes not going down anymore and we arranged to meet and go somewhere else later. N so I left my colleagues at 930 and went down to Siglap for some cheese cakes with J. Then headed down to Marina South for bowling, where I met 2 really old friends. One a secondary school friend who ive not met in 10 yrs and the other a neighbourhood friend, easily 8 or 9. Talked about old times which was so great. Seriously just to be updated as to what my neighbourhood friends are doing now is great. Most have gotten married, some still the same, some seem to be just hanging around, and a few in jail. Rather suprised to hear that this person is now in jail, the rest were alright, u kinda saw it coming. But this guy was really not too bad even then. So J went on to say that I turned out fine, yeah I guess I did. I guess so, sighs ...
N bowling was fun after not bowling for donkey years, it was fun.

Met up with J last Wed for dinner, it was supposed to be some visit, tour of SMU, however I realised that without a pass, I cant even get in ... duhhh. Walked abit to this authentic thai restaurant near seah street. N later, hmm tried looking for presents for Eunice and my ex. In short, I failed to get anything. Julia hinted at a drink at Timbres, but decided that she should study as she made her way back to SMU.

Monday, hmmm 2 days back, celebrated Eunice's birthday at Foster. Had some really good food, excellent conversation and some beer. Somehow going out with Eunice is always fun and memorable. Other than the fact that we are good friends and we do pamper each other. I think personally I am able to engage in meaningful conversation with her, along with all the jokes and sacarsm. shrugs ... till our nxt meeting sometime in end Nov.

Oh yeah received comment that Im cold blooded, my heart doesnt skip a beat when Im with someone I like. Ive never had a rush to kiss someone, I seem to be completely hopeless at interpreting hints. My head rules, Oh maybe I did back when I was 17 with Gladys. I think what pple say is true the person that U fall in love with may not be the person ur gona married. hmm i think think and maybe find the right person to marry and fall in love with her, which really isnt too hard. I really am not thinking of marriage these days, I just hope to fall in love, just to rem what its like for all its worth.

Shrugs... n October is ending.

2005-10-18T13:31:00.000+08:00

so pissed by what a colleague did that I raised my voice at a fren when he asked what im doing at the office awhile back. K it wasnt a big deal more of like what how come ur still in the office and I raised my voice in exasperation and abit of mock, " you dong xi zhuo lar!!!!!!" sighs....

Felt I needed a beer when I reached home, already Im feeling better... wonders of erdinger.

U can imagine me with eyes half closed, dreamy and smiling ...

tiredness and beer make me look like im on drugs I guess wahahhaha.

envy me hahaha I had chocolate for breakfast,lunch and dinner. Boss brought back chocolates from spain.

chocolates and beer ... im growing fat.

2005-10-16T16:16:00.000+08:00

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

This is so funny

2005-10-16T15:38:00.000+08:00

You Should Get a JD (Juris Doctor)

You're logical, driven, and ruthless.
You'd make a mighty fine lawyer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Cant believe it ... ...

2005-10-14T16:07:00.000+08:00

I believe its not a secret that I have always wanted to go backpack, travel without a care in the world. Whats holding me back was always companionship finding the pple who share such ideals and are crazy enough. Of course money was an issue too. And of course time, my committment to my part time studies and work. The timing is almost right now, if I chose not to do my 2nd degree nxt yr, I may just be able to go on a really long trip to somewhere out there. Money is now no longer an issue, I've never had difficulties being alone, and have since given up in finding the right pple and the right time. Let me just get thru the coming 2 months and I will be fine. I swear I will be :)

Almost thought that I would be heading to hongkong for a short break this weekend. A friend's going over for some seminar and since shes the only one from Singapore whos going, told me she had a room to herself. Well what happened finally was that some other colleague from another country is gona fly in and share the room with her. Guess that sums it up. Had made up my mind to just get a tic and go later in the evening and come back on Sunday evening. But in the end. Sighs... Not overly disappointed, but really could do with a break.

2005-10-07T16:45:00.000+08:00

Definition of strength.
The extent of helping others whilst taking care of your own problems, to see the light when others only see darkness. To forgive, when that's the least thing you want to do.

2005-10-06T13:21:00.000+08:00

尽忠报国

To fulfill one's loyalty and repay the country

How many of the ns boys out there understand these 4 words, how many of the regulars out there do, how many of the civil servants do?

To put honour above onself is perhaps something of the past.

2005-10-04T13:32:00.000+08:00

You can only keep trying or give up.
These are the two choices we humans ever had
All you can do is tell them your honest feelings
The rest is up to them
To keep trying or to give up
Then it will be their turn to chose
Wasnt it the same for you
Its the same for everyone

Its raining once again ...

2005-10-03T03:26:00.000+08:00

30 Sep, I reached my limit, or so I think, almost. Lost my temper, thou I didnt shout at nobody. By mid noon I was so numb I had no strength to entertain petty talks or questions. Things got worse when every team got reprimanded for not handling some projects well. My team was no exception, cept my boss got confused over some stuff and mistook that my team wasnt pushing ourselves hard enough. I could not have pushed myself any harder. N fact was the job was done, he got it wrong. He did apologise later and asked if I was angry. Did I even look angry? I really dunno, just replied no and said that I was tired. So while there are teams handling this particular project, I am a one man show. sighs I really duno what to say, I wouldnt say Im stressed or anything but sometimes I feel sorry for myself for working too hard. But I am enjoying it in some sense. The emotions are really weird. One moment your on a high and the next exhausted. I am running on adrenalin I guess. So much for slowing down to enjoy the work. (oh yeah i fell asleep at my computer desk at this point)

Had dinner at some authentic Japanese restaurant, the food was ok, something different from the usual. Had this pork with toufu and some other veggies in chilli hot soup. I didnt know its hot, it didnt look hot from the photo in the menu. Thanks girls, U know who u are.

Went down Timbre for drinks, I needed the beer and saw Ngak performing there. Also saw Anthony, it was fun seeing an old fren perform, back in the army days it was always me sitting around in bunk listening to Ngak play. Always felt he had it in him, glad that hes living his dream. Listened to young pple argue over some stuff and found it rather amusing, what a gd thing youth is, how foolish. Sent my fren to Tanjng Pagar and headed back to look for the girls at Gallery Hotel. They were already done and so I went on a walk down the canel behind back to where I parked. I kinda enjoyed the walk, nothing much really went thru my mind, but I do rem enjoying the walk.

Oct 1, woke up at 11.05, frens wedding at 1130 (to be sitted), rushed like mad. But as usual I was early even thou I reached close to 12. Went shopping for some accessories with my colleague Huilin, she must be the only girl who can get lost in Orchard. Not knowing how to get to Far East from Marriot. We looked ard for an hour or so before settling for this piece which was quite nice, I think, its for her dnd. After collecting some stuff from centre point headed hm and slept again.
11pm, read the news on the Bali bombing. May the victims rest in peace.

Oct 2, going back to work soon.

Just read what I wrote down last year, felt that I must have been pretty sorry last yr haha. Somewhere this time. I guess birthdays are special only when others remember it and theres people celebrating it for u. Otherwise its just any other day isnt it. Old enough to know that birthday wishes do not come true. Naively I wish for happiness to the pple I know and WORLD PEACE.

N the rain has stopped.

2005-09-30T18:52:00.000+08:00

Who cares about answers, there arent any to begin with. All that matters is whether you tried until you were content

2005-09-30T18:28:00.000+08:00

28, was at Isetan Shaw with Eunice, had a voucher that I needed to use before Oct 1, only to realise that Isetan was having some sales the nxt day which explains the rather abnormal amount of guys shopping ard for shirts. It was only when I went down a storey that I realise that theres a sales, noting the amt of women there. Anyway made the reservations and I wld have to come back the nxt day. ( I went back on Thursday noon and the q was crazy... Singaporean women doesnt need to work when theres sales)

I had Oysters for the first time in maybe 10 years. Couldnt believe how deprive I am. That was the highlight of the evening for me. Think we had our dinner at what, coming 10, and we were both famished. Guess it had to do with me being tired, didnt do as much talking as usual. N once again, Eunice at her accomodating best made it such a gd break from the usual work.

29, I cant fight a battle alone. sighs ... I want to go travelling, I need to accumulate ammunition to cheong. Ive spotted some interesting stocks, I want to go Mongolia do horse riding. ARGGHHHHHHHHHH, why am I so poor! Ive decide to buy a car, my dad now decided not to buy. Look a few months back it was me who wanted and him who doesnt. Then when I stopped thinking abt it, he was the one who wanted, and me who doesnt. Now, the same thing has happened again. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh He purposely one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

30, bloody hell, fell asleep at 11, woke up at 2.30. Now how? arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
sounds as if Im under alot of stress. Nah, just complaining abit only. Abit siao siao. hahahahaa. Todays my brothers birthday. Wat shld I get for him. Think give money most practical lar hor.

2005-09-18T14:03:00.000+08:00

16 Sep 05,

Today is the day I had so much fun, happy and truly contended.

I took half a day leave to run some errands. Actually didnt plan to take leave and to run the errands over lunch, or to take it in the 2nd half of the day. Anyway, I called Eunice to ask if shes still keen on the night safari and she replied that she would prefer nxt wk. But I think after knowing that I took half a day off and assuming I took the 2nd half of the day off to go out with her, she cancelled her piano lessons with her students in e afternoon and said that it was fine, only to find out that I had taken the first instead of the 2nd half. So poor Eunice had to wait while I worked.

Because I was rushing to finish as much work as possible, I got a pretty bad migraine by 3+ 4. Anyway rushed off to meet Eunice after work at 6 sharp! I get to knock off at 6 on a Friday. I anticipated pretty bad traffic but somehow it wasnt as bad. And we managed to reach Nite Safari at 7.

Started by watching the ermm imitation tribal men do their dances, playing with fire etc, while we waited for Julia to get us our hugely discounted tics. So nice to see Julia, shrugs ... she later even got me a card to exit the carpark otherwise I would have to pay another fee. Owe her big!

Had some food before we started our adventure, started with the tram ride round the park. OH MAN, it was so fun!!! to c the animals walking right beside me, I swear I would have been able to touch some of them at some point had I stretched out my hand. I LOVE ANIMALS!!! I was thrilled!!!1

After the ride we went on to catch the 9pm animal show, it was really fun, to see the animals perform their tricks, ar hermm, the resident owl decided to poo on us as it went about performing its flight to Eunice's exasperation. hahaha, I saw it as gd luck, c'mon how many can claim they've ever been pooed on by an owl. LOL. tOOK some photos before we embarked on our nite tracking!!1

OH man it was so fun seeing all the animals behind that piece of glass, I got this small little thing jumping straight at me with amazing speed as I was staring at it, right at me!!!! Got to hear the lions roaring at each other. Staring at the tiger in its face. The leopards, lol they were such posers, for some weird reasons they were just walking in circles beside the glass panel. And just went Eunice squatted down to observe them, it peeed, so ermm if there wasnt a glass there, it would have literally peeed in Eunice's face, get the picture? that brought some laugh to the other tourists. Now who would have thought that a big fan of batman would be afraid of bats? as we enter this enclosure with bats and flying squirrels, Eunice was ehhh, petrified hahahha. we were walking when suddenly a few bats flew right past us , apparantly one of it touched eunice shoulder or something and she was screaming away. Now when I finish pacifying her, I turn around, coming face to face with a bat. It was hanging on a branch that kinda protruded over the pavement. As I find myself staring at it face to face, it kinda screamed or something. BOY MAN, I was so happy!!! lucky it didnt scatched or bite my nose off or something. the bat was cool man, it just hanged there as I made my way past it. Saw the otters feeding and many other cool animals.

Sighs, Julia told me that shes on the first shift and so finished her work at 1030 instead of the usual 11. Turned down the offer of a drink with us, as she headed hm while we were still half way on the leopard trail. She wanted to get us some discounted icecream at Ben and Jerry. sighs...

Anyway, me and Eunice took some more pics before we decided to call it a day to have some ice-cream at Ben and Jerry. My migraine which was under conrol then, suddenly got worse. And after sending Eunice home, oh yeah and probably if I had went with someone else other than dear Eunice, it wouldnt have been so much fun! I had a gd night sleep, probably with a smile on my face as well. This is a break that I had so desperately needed. :)

Just felt like giving myself a pat on my shoulder and say, boy u have deserved it! hahahhaahah

Trekking? anybody?

2005-09-18T13:32:00.000+08:00

Some test:

Utmost in your mind is success. You are constantly seeking stimulation and a life full of experience. You are trying to 'grow' and above all you need to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt. You are an enthusiastic individual, full of life with the desire to live intensely. You like contact with others and are enthusiastic by nature. You are receptive to anything new, modern or intriguing. Your interests are many and you are likely to expand your fields of activities. You are optimistic about the future and you deserve every success because deep down you are a 'winner'.

You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognize the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, 'Simpatico'.

You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If it's not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.

2005-09-14T14:28:00.000+08:00

Alot of times these days, when I tot or so i tot that I wanted to write something, I often end up staring at the screen. N even when I do manage to write something, its often unorganised and not what I started out with.

A colleague commented that I've aged just the other day, kaoz im barely in the coy for a yr +. What kinda comment is that? duno to laugh or what, or how he came to that conclusion.

A friend commented that everytime she sees me, Im smiling. Am I really such a happy person, with not a worry in the world. I replied that meeting her makes me happy. N then again, doesnt that make me clownish err n "doggish" hahaha, so whats ur impression of me or no impression at all?

Boss commented today that Ive truly earned my pay. Again duno to laugh or cry.

I love my cluster, I reckon we are the best cluster. Last Fri was ermm very high! but it was nice to see my team mates staying back attempting to finish off the impt matters. In short we are cooperative and look out for each other. Sadly, shrugs, the evil one is now in hospital. Hope she qi an tou ming after she comes back.

Friday night, reached home exhausted. Head heavy but couldnt sleep. I took out a box where I kept all the letters and cards that ive received over the years, went thru alot of messages that Ive probably only seen once before this, some maybe even not at all. Was touched by some of the things that were written, my best girlfriend wrote that knowing me has made her life worthwhile. Somehow, I do think that I've been a bad friend to her. I was never caring enough to her. Shes left me with many regrets. N I do miss her so. Also realised that alot of relationships that I had simply faded away over the years, thru the years when I had a girlfriend, and thru the years when I was in army and they were overseas. I would like so much to sit and have coffee with 2 ladies, Gladys and Wanyin. Gladys will always hold a special place in my heart, well its dumb, but she remains the prettiest girl that Ive ever known, very kind, very sweet, very understanding, very mature, very sunny, very bubbly, very x beautiful in my eyes. Wanyin on the other hand is the only penpal that Ive ever had, known her back in sec school during some visit to a sister school in M'sia. Only reason I could think of then was perhaps I broke my arm and so stopped writing. Lame ...

Over the weekend, all I did was watch cartoon, eat, read amd sleep. Didnt feel like going out, other then for a trip to SIM, lunch with Adrian.

I am thinking of doing another degree in political science, I have until this Friday to submit my application. So much for taking a break. Truly, I have no life.

I dream of riding on the Mongolia grassland, tracking in Nepal. Dream of living in Japan, to take the ferry wheel, to eat ramen by those stalls at the road, drinking sake with friends in those wooden houses in the village. Wearing a nice big coat walking on the street in winter. I dream of knowing how to fall in love all over again. Now that sounds really corny hahahahha

I had a dream the other day which I swear would have made a good movie. I was so sad that I was almost crying, I know perhaps it was because the dream is ending then, and I am gaining my senses and could feel my facial muscles contracting like the way u know when u cry. In short, I was a fugitive with my wife and kid running away from both the triads and the police. In my dream, we were constanly running and after escaping time and again, when we were at the final hurdle from freedom, I suddenly knew my time was up, looked at my wife and kid, feeling really really sad and asked them to run, after that I oso duno what happened but I rem I was caught by a police ambush. Anyone interested in interpreting this dream LOL

Some of the weirder dreams I had includes me dying when I was going to draw money from the bank or something like that when I was shot dead by some robbers, apparantly it was someshort of cross fire and I was caught between. The best part was I didnt know that I was dead, and realised it only when I reached home seeing everybody crying and pple burning stuff, after I realised I mati liao. I begin shouting at my love ones but they couldnt see. This dream happened when I was in primary school.

An even weirder one would be me seeing my room full of spirits flying around, my younger bro was sleeping soundly. Then I heard my parents quarreling in the kitchen, the nxt thing I know I turn around and see my mum's head instead of my pillow on my bed. yup just the head. That was also in primary school. U must be wondering what kinda child hood I had... ...

2005-09-07T15:09:00.000+08:00

Its affirmative. That girl that I saw at Parkway is a friend of a friend and not any waitress at the pub. Abit peisay...

My new hobby, after all the reading on buffet etc, its time to play.

Met Jacklyn for dinner earlier. Very comfortable, so comfortable that I do wish to see her more often. But nah will only get to see her during school holidays, shrugs.
She is one of my oldest friends, we knew each other since primary school. A breath of fresh air from the girls that ive been going out with these days, shes not career minded for a start. She feels that a family is more impt than a career.

Correct me if Im wrong, sometimes I do question, women putting career ahead of the family, that sounds like a very bad thing isnt it, can I even go so far as to say that they are selfish? The feminist are going to blast me, but wouldnt a family suffer in some way because of that? And why cant a man stay at home to look after kids etc ... I know I can't, a man has to lead and the rules of society dictates that a man cant do that by being a house-husband. Girls might want to argue on why not, I rest my case, and perhaps I would add, get real.

I like girls who are driven, career minded, fine. But seriously along the way, its gona be difficult I would think. Or would it be? sighs ... just cohabitate lar no need to set up family, everybody just pursue what they want. No strings attached. WONDERFUL!!!, ? I believe in the bible on this, women be submissive to the husband, man love your wife.

Hahah and Jacklyn always rush back to her bf straight after we part. Rather dumb, but I was slightly envious of her boyfriend at some point. Like when she bought bread for her bf from crystal jade Holland V, saying that her bf mentioned that his brothers wife did something like that. I found that really sweet to be honest. Reminds me of what it was like to be in a relationship, pampered and being pampered in return. Let me share a short story that was mentioned by an elderly pastor sometime back.

Pastor: P
Husband: H
Wife: W

Scenario, both H n W have gd careers. H got this wonderful chance to start out on a business venture in China. Catch is, hes probably gona be based there for a while, and of course quit his well paying job. Hell, H wants to go. W doesnt as she has her own job here, they are newly wed and her family is here.

So H and W went and talk to the pastor. Pastor looked at the wife and said, did the bible not mention that a wife should submit to her husband? Wife turns quiet for a long while. Husband grins from ear to ear. 'haha the pastor is on my side", he thinks. After a long while, wife returns and reply yes, she agrees to leave for China with H. Victory! H thinks.

Pastor turns to the husband, now did the bible not mention that a husband should love, honour and take care of his wife. Would leaving for China be in the best interest for your wife? Do you think thats an act of love? Now, its the husband who turn silent. H and W left the discussion.

Few weeks later, the man decided to stay on in Singapore. Perhaps the story above wouldnt really bang into females. But it did touch me, as very very often, in any relationship, when one party gives in, things work out. Someone must make the first positive move, the unselfish move, to put what is impt above himself. N hopefully, U will be honoured by God. N to a male, female equation. In a real world, perhaps not all women shld submit blindly, but a general rule of thumb is still the same, submit with love and u will be love.

Dun even know what im rambling abt ... ...

2005-09-05T16:42:00.000+08:00

Friday nite, felt that I should go for a drink and ended up with this bunch of guys from another department downstairs at this pub at Tanjong Pagar. Well, what was interesting was, there are waitresses who would chat, play and sing with u. Personally I felt it was quite fun, nothing more nothing less. Im not keen to talk to girls that I hardly know, too superficial for my liking. Anyway that kinda fun is pretty superficial. U dun really talk to pple. U just play 5-10 and whatever nonsense there is to it, laugh and drink. After enough drinks, u'll just be smiling away. Doubt I will be heading down again anytime soon. Oh yeah I was invited by this 2 guys who told me that they would ususally be down there every Friday. So perhaps I might just have found a new hang out spot. But then again ...

Sunday evening, I saw one of the waitresses who sat with us on Friday, working at Parkway. It was quite obvious that she didnt recognise me. Then I saw this female collegue of mine with her. Damn could she be just another fren's fren who was with us and I mis-stook her for something else. Anyway, Singapore is small

Shopping for a swimming suit with a girl was ermm interesting. So it seems that bikinis just arent good for swimming yeah?

Its 1 plus on a Monday morning, Im wide awake, pretty sharp in fact.

Wanted to make a call to someone who knows and understands me, only to find they have all left me. Wanted to tell them abt whats going on here, and find out abt their lives but realised theres perhaps only vacuum and a tinge of nonchalance, sarcasm.

What should I do for the nxt coming weekend? Do we go out for meals again? So you tot u liked someone? Perhaps u need more time? Perhaps U perfer to take it slow? Or perhaps u know deep down inside, the time aint right, the person aint right. And U live on, just turning up each day, to prove that u exist. To hope that the nxt day, all this living would be worthwhile.

Im already looking forward to Xmas, not the festival, but the bonus

Oct 1 this year would be just abit more special, a collegues getting married that day.

N cold play is really gd. I got their album parachute on sat, great album I must say.

2005-09-05T04:17:00.000+08:00

9/4/2005 1:39:15 AM Keve [ju] asked a lady to go with me to the nite safari thou
9/4/2005 1:39:25 AM Keve [ju] sighs ... kena rejected
9/4/2005 1:39:43 AM [ju] Keve hehe... how come?
9/4/2005 1:39:55 AM Keve [ju] she wants me to go with her to see her parents
9/4/2005 1:40:51 AM [ju] Keve ooo
9/4/2005 1:40:51 AM Keve [ju] what to do, be ahmad lor send her to see her adorable parents lor
9/4/2005 1:41:28 AM [ju] Keve to see her parents as in like a prospective bf/son-in-law?
9/4/2005 1:41:52 AM Keve [ju] her parents are coming 80?
9/4/2005 1:42:21 AM [ju] Keve erm....
9/4/2005 1:42:29 AM [ju] Keve means she's ard 50?
9/4/2005 1:42:37 AM Keve [ju] anyway we went home after seeing her parents lar and went shopping at IMM
9/4/2005 1:43:02 AM Keve [ju] shes sleeping now
9/4/2005 1:43:17 AM Keve [ju] with my dad
9/4/2005 1:43:35 AM [ju] Keve ur dad's gf?
9/4/2005 1:44:22 AM Keve [ju] my mum
9/4/2005 1:46:00 AM [ju] Keve haiz!!

2005-09-02T13:47:00.000+08:00

If I can be completely honest. I am totally digusted with the results for e final of the superstar competition. pui x 3

2005-08-30T07:10:00.000+08:00

Monday 4 am, looking forward to the nxt wkend.

Was on e phone earlier with John, hes working like a dog, much worse than me. Well, a least hes finally attached now. So... sighs what am I on abt ... slightly envious I guess. Cannot believe myself saying what I just said. Its totally out of character.

有点思觉失调

will try to get some sleep ...

2005-08-29T19:28:00.000+08:00

Lol what the F*** will still work hard.

2005-08-29T04:28:00.000+08:00

Went out with Julia for Choc factory, Haha we were both late , me perhaps that miserable 3 mins earlier or so. Went to get her lunch or rather breakfast before meeting her. Not too bad, enjoyed the singings of those small pple, not to mention their dancing whaha. Good movie for young kids I say, gd morales etc. Julia loves the show.

After tea at this maestro bistro, I sent her to work. damn shes jude, damn why isnt there chemistry after all these bloody years.

Met up with Kim and Jessica in the evening for dinner. Not seen Jessica for 6 yrs I supposed. Interesting call i rcv from Kim in the early afternoon that led to our dinner gathering.

Kim: keve, do u rem jessica?
kev: jessica who?
kim: wanting the girl that u keep saying is pretty
kev: oh ... that jessica, c'mon ive only said it like once and twice thats all, in fact I can barely rem. yeah why, is she getting married ?
kim: no, we are meeting up for dinner, wondering if u wld like to come ...

something along those lines

N so we had dinner, its always fun knowing new interesting pple. It was fun hanging out with the 2 girls. Jess turned out to be someone rather different from what I perceived in the past. Prob she changed over the years LOL. Straight talking, unpretentious girls always score high with me. Hope we can do it again sometime soon.

went down for football at 11. boring match, met up with francis later and we went for tou-hua at selegie. Met Peiqing and her bf. Sing is small. Travelled down to Bukit timah for some coffee before heading straight to pandan reservoir. At e corner of pandan reservoir is this platform for the cleaners to get onto their boats etc. its actually a nice spot for barbecue etc, cept that its restricted. So we ended up lying on there and watching the star. Francis caught 3 shooting stars, while I missed the first one. Its dark enough over that area I guess. Lamented about life ... how tough it is to be a guy in Singapore LOL and other bull shit.

Now that Ive mention bullshit, one topic that we discussed was this, my stand, promises that were broken are essentially bullshit. His stand, promises made at that point of time are really true at that point of time. scenario: guy tells girl that he will love her for the rest of his life a wk ago. subsequently broke off with her. Despite perhaps what he said then to be true, it was bullshit ultimately isnt it > my conclusion. Further conclusion: life and society now is just so full of bullshit.

2005-08-28T10:01:00.000+08:00

Sat morning 6.55 am. Woke up abt an hr earlier, caught Bleach ep 46. Slept at ard 8 last evening, which meant that I got 10 hrs. Still feeling sleepy... This wk has been long, on Tuesday evening, smoking with a friend, I recalled the both of us lamenting that it seems to be a long week.

I need to recharge, but my schedule's not accomodating.

2005-08-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

just caught super star. Xinhui was definitely better lar. I like Kelly, she has dimples ahahhahaa, but cmon Xinhui did better. My patriotic mum made her first call to vote and it was for Kelly, saying Xinhui is not a Singaporean. Shrugs. But then again a better singer may not make a better idol. This is a contest for a super idol, not a singing competition. So I guess Kelly do make a better idol, but I really wouldnt mind seeing another electrifying performance by Xinhui on 1st Sept. Forget abt the guy contestants, their performances are so boring.

These days are pretty much spent on work and watching movies, caught 7 swords and Roman holiday this wk alone. Cant wait for the nxt installment of 7 swords and Audrey Hepburn is beautiful, an immortal comedy-romance I so agree.

Thoughts of not getting married have been dropped after less than a month. LOL Its not a gd idea to be lonely when your old. hmm cohabitation also no need to get married rite ... hmmmm k I can still dun get married and not be lonely. wahahhaah
Im just rather into being alone at this moment of time, hjahhaha and sometimes wonder if things might just work out between me and this girl, if I put in serious efforts. Not much, just sometimes. hahahahaa

A friend is now doing her masters with NUS, might just do mine as well nxt yr if they are lax in their requirements. Where gt time to find gf u tell me.

Read an article about the Shang Rila of China, Yunnan. God, would just love to be there, dun mind going alone oso. Saw this sony camera DSC-H1 that can DO 12X zoom. Thumbs up to the design. So if i take up diving, I'll buy an ipod. If I go travelling to exotic places, I'll buy the camera. Cool...

2005-08-12T15:53:00.000+08:00

haha going to act cheem liao
this came across my mind earlier

Somtimes courage is everything, sometimes nothing.

-------------------------------

I miss my friend.

-------------------------------

Just before I met my previous girlfriend, I liked another girl, that was like 8-9 yrs back. Nothing came out of it probably because I was a blockhead. Now 9 years later, we are back in touch. Lol she joked that it wasnt fair cause she didnt know I was interested back then. (See told u I was a blockhead) Could it be a 迟来的爱。 wahahhahaa that sounds so corny rite, imagine thats what we use when we get our tiles right at the last moment during our mahjong games. ar hem, back to the topic, not at this moment I think. People change real fast I think. At least Im learning that people have the capacity to change really fast. A few months back I was yearning for a girl, now, I have no capacity to love or so I think (yeah laugh, think im talking rubbish rite). N Praise the Lord for girls with dimples!

--------------------------------

My family van which has been ever so reliable is breaking down more and more often. Not that it has really broken down, but oil leaks, brake problems, air-con problems (not that it really worked in the first place), piston problems, blar blar blar are coming up these days. Let me strike the first prize this weekend, and I would seriously consider investing it in a vehicle. Alright if I do strike I will buy a honda jazz, make it a white one. (yeah its time to sleep... dreaming again)

Probably I would invest the money somewhere else lar. Doubt I will buy a car. ARGGHHHHHHHH LET ME STRIKE 4D !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--------------------------------

Somtimes when u lose, u make a friend.

playing pool at harrys harbour front. saw this guy beat half a dozen other guys and felt hes worth beating. After beating him in the first round, we went another one. It was down to the final black, and I had a clear chance. Saw his girlfriend whos at the side table, and decided to fluke the shot. He knew I did it on purpose, and I made a friend. N on many other occasions, u realise that by giving in a little, u end up gaining more.

--------------------------------

Perhaps I may have a 2nd career as a sports jounalist in me. LOL. Feedback to my coverage for my org's team in the spore govt football league have been not bad at all. Nt exactly grinning from ear to ear, but glad that pple actually bother to read. Im the first to admit I dun read all my mails.

-------------------------------

almost 1, still contemplating whether I shld go for supper.

2005-08-11T15:34:00.000+08:00

Sometimes pple fall sick in the weirdest manner. I took a nap yesterday evening and woke up with a sore throat, and feeling really cold. Worked today with a fever, not that I could have help it. Many pple are on leave, in fact my team was down to only one by the afternoon. Just woke up after another nap, feeling rather weak.

2005-08-10T02:59:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I received a call, mentioned that I was hardly at hm, saying that Ive been really busy. I guess I hv been by choice.

Friday evening after work,scheduled basketball practice
Sat morning, sent a friend off to a better place.
afternoon, a friend of 10 years gave me a lunch treat. First hes ever given me.
evening, met Julia whom Ive not met for a couple of years. Coffee, dinner and
drinks. It was cool. Its always cool hanging out with a jude girl
who has character to match it.
Sun, played mahjong for the whole day at Jane's place. Actually won abit to cover
for my expenses of the wk.
Mon, Work, course, football match. N I was thinking whether I would want to spend
a holiday eve sleeping at hm. Msged a couple of friends. N met up with Yiwen
for dinner at the esplanade. Huiyi and Angela were nt able to make it at
the last min. I tried pasta with duck meat for the first time in my life.
Decided to catch the fireworks before we head for home. N wow... it was
fantastic, I felt like a kid. Ive never really seen a fireworks display. Not
one that last 10 mins + anyway. It was real cool. Would like to thank Yiwen for
her wonderful company.
Tues,Going out again in awhiles time for lunch, a friend just called. Asking me to
go for foot massage with me. Frankly Im not in e mood for massage at all.
Shrugs, its a holiday afterall. Quite abit of work later in the evening and
generally for the rest of this month. Foresee a very interesting month ahead.

N anyway, Ive been thinking of taking up diving, maybe locally but Im contemplating going overseas to do it, thinking that it might be cheaper lol. Ideally I can do both my basic and advance in 4-5 days maybe like in Rendang or Bali, take a short break from everything. Anybody keen? Friends, friends of friends? Strangers looking for activity partners are all welcome to drop me a msg.

2005-08-05T18:00:00.000+08:00

2.19am

Principal taught me on the ways of life, sometimes it is ok for us to bend,sometimes we mustnt bent. Despite me being extremely subtle and sincere with my approach to the teacher, I guess egos were brusised in the process. Instead of solving the problem, he chosed to avoid it completely and went the other way, I am slightly disappointed.

At 11.26 am, msgs were coming in informing me that my friend Meilin has passed away. My handphone was flat.

Ard 3pm, Send out a report which Ive been working on for awhile. Satisfaction.

4.40pm, Left to cover a event.

7pm, event ended, reached home around 7.20. Been really tired this week, plug in the charger and slept.

2am, checked my handphone to see the msgs.

2.22am, sitting in front of my computer, here right now.

No tears, not so far at least. I was hoping that I could see her just before she pass away, but it was not to be. I got to know about it only after 14 hrs. I thought I would have taken leave for tomolo. But it seems there are too many things scheduled tomolo and I just cant put everything aside. Report, meeting in the afternoon, and a basketball practice for a mini tournament coming up where Ive booked the court at the clubhouse.

Wanted to say a prayer for her, but somehow wasnt able to. Believe that I would do it later.

Just like that, my best female friend had left me.

I still owe her a really nice birthday present. Something which she said the other time," what kinda best friend are you, not coming for my birthday parties, not one really nice present." Im guilty as charged.

Meilin, Ive known you over 10 yrs and I so wished that we would have been able to age together, and tease each other about our foolish youth when we were old. Shes someone who knew my details, my attitude towards life, my strengths, my weakness, how much Ive changed since I was a kid. Gona really miss the late night chats below her block. How late? 2, 3 am. Theres not going to be another you, someone whom I can talk to when I need to and understand. Shes the only girl whos made me a friendship band, I remember I was kinda complaining back when I was 16 that everybody seems to have someone making them one and I dont, and thats what she made for me on my birthday, a brown and black, rugged looking one 1, just like I had mentioned I would like it to be.

I was glad that we did manage to go out together a couple of times, to Cat's new place and to see her baby. Talking about how old we've grown. From the days when I was teasing Cat non stop back in her JC days, till now a mother of a beautiful baby girl. To go walking around plaza sing, sharing the taiwan mian xian which I had for the first time in my life.

Damned just what the hell is wrong with this world ...

Im just gona miss you so much, so much

2005-08-04T14:43:00.000+08:00

Say u were supposed to be taught by the teacher, ended up you corrected the teacher. The nxt thing u know, the principal is looking for you ... ehh whats going to happen nxt? Count down approximate 9 hrs 15 mins.

Today has been a really crappy day but at least theres work which suffices for me.

Hoping to play mahjong this weekend. Caught this hongkong mahjong movie hahaha. Actually I feel that mj is a really fun thing, playing mj really exercises your brain, trains your character and is an ideal item for social bonding.

ehhh, anybody out there keen for mj?

2005-07-31T16:04:00.000+08:00

Its ard 1245 on a Sunday morning. I have issues, lotsa them. Where do I start then?

I realised that Im not in the writing mood and dun feel like elabortaing on things.

Work is fine, theres enough work, but feeling a bit weird this moment. Still wish for more work to occupy my time. And perhaps I should just stop testing water, someday I might find it too deep and drown.

Friends are fine, life is too short to hold grudges and pass judgements. Too short to wallow in self pity and depressions. Too short to indulge in politics. Love the pple around you, try to make pple happy. There really isnt much to it. Be more responsible. Do not weigh friendship. Give with a willing heart, do not be calculative with what u give and remember those that u receive. For God has not forsaken man, a friend should never give up on another. Inshah Allah, God willing... that is.

Love, believe in love, even thou it seems stupid to commit these days, dun 1 to blame the society, dun want to blame materialistic, fickle-minded women, dun blame superficial men. Cont. to believe, and hope you wont be among those whos blamed for making the situation worse.

God, I am sorry. Holiness lies in actions, lies in the hearts of man. Who is more holy? What is more holy? Good deeds and behaviour may not lead to a passage to heaven as some believe. That suffices for me. Christ is the way I believe, but God is good and he is merciful, otherwise he is no God, and we have nothing to worry. ( Sometimes, I worry for myself) How do u talk to someone about God, when shes been born to suffer and facing death in her face this very moment? How do you introduce a friend to another when you do not know him, how do u introduce God to another, likewise.

Life
How do u talk to someone about God, when shes been born to suffer and facing death in her face this very moment? How do you introduce a friend to another when you do not know him, how do u introduce God to another, likewise. How do u ask someone to continue fighting for her life when theres nothing left to fight for. What do I say when a friend tells you shes no strength to fight anymore. How do I pray for mercy when non will be shown if thats what I am to believe? How can anyone say he understands looking at another in a situation hes never been in?

Ive lived this week w/o much that I can reflect back on. Its just another week. Meet up with friends for dinner and collegues for drinks on Friday. Saw a side of a friend thats rather amusing. I arrived to see him rather drunk, spouting nonsense. I wished that life could be better for him. Hes already in management, careers taking off, but I guess he needs more luck wife girls. We arent that different really, rather amusing to be seeing myself in another person I guess.Hes really a gd catch, really tall guy, cute in the unconventional sense, rich and smart.

Happy Birthday once again Yiwen. The fantastic thing about you I guess is that you haven seem to age a bit after all these years. To more coffee, dinners and movies in the future. Cheers.

Quotes of the week:

She wont make a good wife, I wont make a rich husband.
I pray shes happy without me, sometimes I hope not.

Ashallah Mualaikum
May peace be with you

No matter what happens. Life moves on. That is Life.
:)

2005-07-25T00:53:00.000+08:00

Caught this epsy presentation show earlier on sports channel. Jimmy McLaren and Emmanuel from Ghana were featured. I caught the show half way thru, Jimmy lost a leg but nevertheless went on to become a top triathlon athlete. Unfortunately he got involved into an accident and lost movement from his neck down. Emmanuel had a birth disorder and had only the use of one leg, managed to get a bike from the government and cycled 600miles thruout Ghana.

Jimmy Mclaren thru his own will power, has managed to regain some of his movements now, which his doctors claimed a living miracle. Emmanuel has gotten the attention of his country on the disabled, dreams of getting jobs for the disabled in Ghana and not finding any disabled fellow countrymen begging for alms on the streets in 10 yrs time.

I believe that a single blow would have crushed most if not all of us, what more to say of Jimmy's case. "I must remember that its not the body that is living, its me thats living. Life is beautiful, life is good." he said.

2005-07-24T12:45:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I stepped on Indonesian soil for the first time in my life. Experienced traditional Indon massage for the first time. Bought my first polo ralph shirt, tasted kfc in batam (which was so much better than in sing). And for the first time in my life, I had my bike clamped. I struggled to find words for a friend ...

2005-07-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

Keve says:
its a weird year i would say
WeIWEi says:
i'm sorry
WeIWEi says:
does this event makes you treasure those who is still around more
Keve says:
yes and no
WeIWEi says:
hmmm
Keve says:
u think that it is the case
Keve says:
but actually life still goes on as if nothing had happened b4
Keve says:
but then again ive always treasured those ard me
WeIWEi says:
true..life still needs to move on
Keve says:
someone knows u very well for like 10 yrs
Keve says:
u talk to her whenever things go wrong and stuff
Keve says:
the nxt moment shes not there anymore, might need some adjusting to it
WeIWEi says:
understand
WeIWEi says:
it happened to me as well
Keve says:
may the good lord have mercy on her soul.
WeIWEi says:
is she a christian
Keve says:
shes been brought into this world to suffer and i feel she deserves better
Keve says:
no
Keve says:
but does that make her a lesser human
WeIWEi says:
nope
Keve says:
im not angry with god or anything
WeIWEi says:
i dun mean that
WeIWEi says:
just that if she's a christian..at least she knows that god love her so much
Keve says:
but just because im a christian doesnt mean im willing to accept everything thats in the bible. there are stuff that I do not agree and cannot agree with. N despite wanting to I just cant, cause from a human perspective it doesnt seem right at all.
WeIWEi says:
hmmm i know

2005-07-21T15:18:00.000+08:00

If I did not remember wrongly a week before the london bombing I attended a very interesting seminar. Vaguely, the speaker told us that in Eqypt, before a play, the mc would say something along the lines of, be it Moses, Jesus or Allah that you belive in. Let us give thanks to God.

We really arent that different, are we?

2005-07-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah caught crash on Sat, very gd movie I say. But then again some might fall asleep. One of those thinking movies which I love when I was younger. For some reasons, just felt that I must catch this movie. Oh yeah its ok to watch this alone too. Interesting to note that there wasnt much of a crowd for this movie, noting that I caught it on a sat evening at westmall, and quite a few were angmos. True to its reviews a beautiful and powerful movie. But then again this is not one for the masses.

Actually enjoyed my Friday night out with my collegues. Dropped by at esplanade for chocolate, which almost killed me. Im just not a chocolate person, vanilla anytime.
Before heading down to this place called Bark cafe at changi. Quite a nice place I say, damn far for a westerner but I reckon its a gd dating spot. Think we were there ard 9 and talked all the way till maybe 1? Learnt abit about each other, which made the whole episode interesting for me. Was all wet when I got home, it rained at ard midnight all across the island.

Managed to link up to an old friend for friendster. A really cool chick whom I had the pleasure of knowing during my poly years. She was my sec school classmate whom I never even had the chance to talk to. Saw her on a train once when i was heading back after class and truly she looked fantastic to a poly boy then, in her temasek jc uniform and pony tail standing alone by the train door just staring into space. Never approach her then, and by some twist of fate, we actually met in IRC, on this channel which I frequented then, named "Dreams". It was just so surreal. After these years we are now back in touch and for that I am glad. Do hope to know her much better this time round and probably find a female drinking companion. She loves and knows her beer. Cmon, how many girls out there really appreciates beer in a ermm guy way hahaha. Did I mention that shes really jude.

Its really hard to meet new pple these days, so what I do, Im looking for my old friends :)

Days are really passing by so fast. If you wana do something do it now.

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

Cheers to a brand new week!!!

2005-07-15T14:35:00.000+08:00

Reflections

Was having lunch with Huishan earlier and I realised that over these 5 years if I must go after one girl. It would have been her all over again. There may perhaps not be another person in this world who knows her as well as I do and vice verse. Unbelivable u will think, unfortunately true i would say.

Interestingly, a couple of the girls that Ive dated over these yrs have gotten married or are in the process of getting married. I am happy for them of course, but sometimes looking at their partner, LOL I do think that I would have made a better choice, wahahhaha. Jokes aside, no regrets, even thou some fits the bill of what I want almost perfectly, but ultimately incompatible.

Its said that Librans are indecisive or at least thats what Eunice always tell me. Saying that once a decision is made, we usually stick to it for good or worse. At least that is for my case.

Cheers to singlehood

2005-07-12T23:29:00.000+08:00

So NKF has retracted its suit. How much money was that, 600000k per yr for a director in a CHARITY organisation? I rest my case.

2005-07-09T18:31:00.000+08:00

Your dating personality profile:

Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited.
Funny - You laugh often. People never accuse you of lacking a sense of humor. You don't take yourself too seriously.

Your date match profile:

Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If her jokes make you laugh, she has won your heart.
Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps her body in top shape.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Big-Hearted
2. Sensual
3. Funny
4. Practical
5. Athletic
6. Adventurous
7. Outgoing
8. Liberal
9. Wealthy/Ambitious
10. Romantic

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Funny
2. Practical
3. Athletic
4. Sensual
5. Conservative
6. Romantic
7. Traditional
8. Adventurous
9. Big-Hearted
10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

2005-07-09T18:19:00.000+08:00

Loneliness Quotient: 31%

Your Personalized Assessment Report:

31 is a rather low LQ, meaning your social relations are rather on track. There is some room for improvement, but overall you are doing well. You are okay in your relations with your friends. This is good. Additionally, your family situation is not causing you any troubles. A positive family situation is definitely helpful. An area for improvement is your love life, which is not in terrible shape, but can be improved. Thankfully you do not have a problem with shyness, so pursuing romantic leads will not be as difficult for you. You definitely don't have any major insecurity issues holding you back, so your pursuit of elimating loneliness will not be held back by this potential pitfall.

Take the Loneliness Quotient Test at Dating Diversions

2005-07-07T20:07:00.000+08:00

I just read of the london bombings. My blood boils, my body shivers. Every single time these terrorist strikes, I go thru the same emotions.

2005-07-06T13:28:00.000+08:00

Played basketball today. Haven played basketball for almost a year. Ive lost alot of motion, back will never be the same again, I hope not.

So its going to be outfield for wed and thurs. Everyones hoping that it will rain wahahhahaa. Meaning exercise cut everybody sleep.

Its rather amazing how much pple can sleep in camp. Suddenly everybody just slept... 2 more days and we will be done with this ict. Friday out process at Yishun Safra, we are supposed to go for games. Cohesion building they call it.

Maybe I should go read what happened in my previous ict that happened only in Jan this year, which was rather shiong i would say. I should be enjoying myself for this ict. I guess it would have been enjoyable had I not just taken that long leave from work.

2005-07-05T10:52:00.000+08:00

Today is only my first day of reservist and Im feeling sick.

Because I was feeling so sick, I treated myself to KFC and that taiwan mee sua straight after I book out from camp. 4 more days to go. Well this is a low key and generally we would be just hanging ard camp. In fact we will be hanging ard for 3 days and only training on our core skills for 2. N when I say hanging ard, it means sleeping, smoking and talking coc... rot, yeah, and for those who love to eat, theres the canteen.

Some pple really enjoy this break and treat it like a chalet. Me, I just want to go back to work. Maybe perhaps its because office is not stressful enuff that I would want to escape from it. Or maybe its just me having problem falling asleep in the bunk.

4 more days, lets see how much I can grumble...

2005-07-03T14:19:00.000+08:00

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

2005-06-30T16:57:00.000+08:00

News:
SINGAPORE : The Singapore Cancer Society says it has received many calls from the public enquiring about this Sunday's NKF Cancer Show on Channel U.

It clarified Wednesday that the show is different from the Society's own Cancer Charity Show to be shown only in October.

The NKF Cancer Show - the National Kidney Foundation's first - comes after the success of another Cancer Charity Show, which is the Singapore Cancer Society's inaugural fundraiser which raised $3.2 million last year.

"We have received many calls from the public regarding the NKF Cancer Show because of the similarity in name between NKF Cancer Show and the Singapore Cancer Society Cancer Charity Show. Many of our supporters are asking whether funds that are generated from the show are going to the Singapore Cancer Society. We hope to raise $10 million this year and we intend to set aside $7million for cancer treatment. We are concerned that with another cancer charity show, the money that's going to cancer treatment will not be coming to us, " said Dr Ang Peng Thiam, medical oncologist and Vice-Chairman of the Singapore Cancer Society.

The Society is also concerned that the similarity in the names of the two charity shows may have confused the public into thinking that the two shows are the same.

The Singapore Cancer Society is an organisation with concrete plans and programmes to help cancer patients in the community.

Said Dr Koo Wen Hsin, Chairman of the Singapore Cancer Society and Head of the Medical Oncology Department at the National Cancer Centre, Singapore: "For the last 40 years, we at the Singapore Cancer Society here have been doing cancer screening programmes, public education programmes, hospice home care, and we provide a lot of public welfare for needy patients. So all these money, every single dollar of it has been spent on these programmes."

Of the money raised last year, $2million has gone to help needy patients pay for expensive treatment.

The remaining $1 million went to fund cancer screening, welfare and hospice programmes.

So far 20,000 have benefited from the Society's screening programmes.

1,400 have been picked up for further cancer tests at hospitals and 9 patients have undergone operation to treat cancer.

The Society's own Cancer Charity Show airs this October.

It hopes to raise $10million, 70% of which will go to help patients pay for cancer treatment.

>>> This is going to be point blank. I say enough is enough. What is NKF actually trying to do? For a start how abt cutting some red tape and granting access to pple who truly needs the money. A friend of mine was telling me just the other day that because her brother is now earning in excess of 3k, NKF is now going to stop subsidising her treatments. Personally I think thats bullshit, of course I understand the rationale behind this rule but what if this is the case of an estranged brother? Does the fact that her brother is now taking home a decent salary make her any less needy. What abt the case of NKF employees drawing really comfortable salaries? I can go on forever, and I truly believe someone should perhaps start setting rules to moderate the number of charity shows that a particular organisation can hold for a start. When would enough be truly enough? And once again charity organisation should be made accountable for the money thats gathered from us. IE to say black and white, we really need a higher level of transparency here. It seems pretty clear to me that there is some kind of cannibalization going on in this case. And that is really not healthy. Charity shows these days generally just irks me. N I know for a fact that most pple these days arent making those calls out of the goodness of their hearts but rather for a chance to get that condo or car. Well then perhaps the ends justify the means. I say let the government run these charity drives and distribute the money more appropriately according to each organisation's needs, and let the money flow down to lesser abled charities. The format of gathering alms would not be any different but the way the money can be spreaded more efficietnly and used, certainly is.

Disclaimer: I was thinking of what to write to ensure I dun get sued one way or another. Anyway the above piece has been truly moderated.

2005-06-30T12:26:00.000+08:00

I slept straight after I reached home today.
In fact that was what happened yesterday.
My back is killing me, n I reckon Ill go see the doctor on Thursday.

Did all my first year interviews yesterday. One in the morning, one in the afternoon. Shrugs I guess you do reap what you sow. :)

Spare a moment if u wld to pray for a friend whos once again been warded, 3 days after being discharged.

It really amazes me how fast time flies when your working, this is like the 3rd wk after my exams. N it feels like only yesterday. I must endeavour to seek more meaning to this life, ie to say or more concretely, go learn something, perhaps drawing, do another degree or a masters, make more friends, find a mate, go travelling.

I will travel nxt yr by hook or by crook, alone if need be.

2005-06-26T18:24:00.000+08:00

Just back from the cinemas, Initial D was alrite, I actually doze off at some stage. But overall i guess its funny as everyones laughing, I found it amusing. The highlight for the show to me would probably be the jap girl's legs.

其实也不知道要说什么
经常感到疲惫不堪
也不知是心累还是人累

终觉得找了个伴日子会好过一些
却在最近发现自己没时间去照顾另外一个人
甚至让别人照顾

你想照顾的那个人宛宛拒你与千里之外
也不知道从什么时候开始你喜欢一个人不可以对他好
他会反感他会告诉他的朋友他不了解为什么自己会这样或许是自己犯贱

tired .. sleeping

2005-06-25T16:05:00.000+08:00

Just back from a company bbq. Frankly it was more fun than I thought it would be. 12.22 AM now, Im just tired. Because I took medicine in the afternoon which totally wrecked my brain, and interestingly enough, this afternoon turned out to be the busiest period of the week. Working with a mind thats totally mabuk was challenging I must say. Asked for extra strong coffee and requested a collegue to aid me in a particular long report. Never managed to complete before we left, wanted to but my manager dragged me out and the nxt thing we know we were heading to the club house. Enjoyed the old songs which my collegues sang, even joined in for a "long shu xia". Saw a new collegue whom I think is pretty jude, talk a fair bit with her and we got along. Alot of stuff which happened this evening was pretty heart warming I must say. No doubt my generous intake of red wine helped.

I have made some really good friends in the organisation, and for the one who has issues with me, for the time being, I shall just remember thy verse love your neighbour. It seems shes stepped on most of the pple in my team, my patience is being tested. I'll just let it pass for now, Ill continue to smile at her and be courteous. PPle might be saying I am so fake. Thy heart should be pure I remembered. Had a heart to heart talk with a really senior staff whos heading for an overseas posting after the bbq. His almost old enough to be my dad. Learnt abit from him, but I guess the straw that would break the camels back would be when this particular lady starts discrediting my team mates. I hope shes not stupid enough to do that. From my understanding of life, when someone is despicable and hurts those that you love, the only way is to give her back in the utmost despicable method and let the person taste her own medicine. It will be ugly. On a lighter mood, I now have a travel destination come nxt yr, anybody interested in Angkor Wat?

I was unable to reply a msg to a friend this afternoon, and I apologised with all my heart. I just wasnt able to. I pray for strength to be with you. All I want to say is that we are here no matter what for you and we love you. I hope the sunflower isnt botak by now. It might not mean alot at this point of time to you, but I just want you to know that I love you and I do treasure you. And I will always be praying for you, just call me if you need anything. I wont say a word and you wont have to entertain me, I am most willing to just listen to anything you have to say. Give you a massage if u need one, bring you to the beach if you feel like it. We will always be around you girl.

2005-06-22T20:28:00.000+08:00

For the first time in the past 10 days, I slept early. Believe it was around 9+ 10 but then again I woke up at 5, so ... shrugs.

Ive really been having some slight problems finding places to hang out these days. Now some of the places that Ive been to and kinda enjoy are Balaclava, Thumbers, Mandarin and Intercontinental lounge. While the prasta fresca branch at East Coast provides a nice ambience for dinner, this jap restaurant along the suntech fountain serves one of the best jap food in town. The life of a Singaporean is very much about consuming isnt it... ...

Lets talk about yesterday. Left office ard 8 to meet up with Francis for dinner. Before I reached the basement carpark, I rcv a msg from a friend telling me shes in hospital. I was worried, and she told me shes suffering from heart failure. I cant remember much but I guessed my heart sunk a little. She then added that it doesnt require an op, but some procedures which I dont understand nor remember. Wanted to visit her earlier but was told shes too weak to entertain me. Had tried getting her all day, and thank god her mum picked up the phone in the evening. Ill see her later and hope shes regained some strength.

Headed down to IMM to meet Francis, was just feeling angry. Everybody I guessed who saw me then would probably have seen a ermm rather proud or pissed face. Cant explain the feeling, wrong the correct feeling is frustration, with myself and things. Funny enough the moment i met Francis and we set down, I deflated and became tired and blue. After long talks on our current predicament and possible future, he told me to consider quitting my job. To put it this way, by the age of 30 I would be doing marginally better than most other graduates. But from then onwards, its snails pace in terms of monetary rewards. Francis put it pretty bluntly that the job profile therefore is not consistent with what I want in life. I have thought abt this and I will revisit this question some time in the near future, when I become totally passionless.

Ok dun wana beat abt the bush here, I was really happy when I received a call later that evening. I might never rcv a call from this person ever again saying that. But the call which I rcv ensured a gd nites sleep. The only girl whom I can say I like in the past 5 years. I like her because shes passionate about her job, driven maybe even more so than a guy, because she enjoys ironing, because she loves kids. Because theres some weird chemistry thats going on but I reckon this would stay platonic.

Tuesday, work wise it was a happy day I would think. Was nominated to attend a very interesting seminar on Thursday so > happy did a report that was interesting so > happy collegue offered to make me breakfast the nxt day > happy. But how the hell I ended up speeding on the road, feeling angry after I knock off work? To a certain extent I think Im sick. I have problem finding contendment, and I do doubt its where I think Ill find it. HAHA but then again Ill then have someone who might be able to help me find it... ...

2005-06-17T15:15:00.000+08:00

Been foolish lately, very foolish. LoL. The insignificance of my foolish tots and the foolish happenings around me makes me laugh. It really is time I shake myself off this foolishness.

I pray for a fren's mum whos very sick this moment, and for all who sees this do spare a moment too.

Sometimes I feel that one of the "worst" thing that has ever been designed by man is actually the handphone.

2005-06-12T01:33:00.000+08:00

Finding someone who actually really appreciates and loves old movies so much as to be able to give me a small lesson to the history of some of the shows and the stars of that era. Going to places where we both have always wanted to go, having chinese food at this restaurant, getting a drink at mandarin, enjoying the piano. I had a truly wonderful night, thanks to an old friend. I felt truly contended.

Yesterday would be the best day that ive had for the year. The year has been so crapped. Crap is the best way to describe it, everything that doesnt make any sense happened. yeah n heres looking for a better 2nd half.

2005-06-09T03:55:00.000+08:00

With another 21 hrs to go, this time tomolo, I'll be free as a bird.

Managed to prepare 3 qsn so far, and frankly answers that would probably just managed a pass, very surface and superficial. Need to get one more in the nxt few hours. May the marker be lenient lol. N most importantly may he not be too creative with the way hes structuring the qsns this time round, had been the victim of examiners' sudden creativeness too often, and interestingly never seem to learn from it, I am the die hard questions spotter. Just lazy and a serious lack of interest I supposed. Just give me a pass and I'll be the "gladest" person come this time tomolo.

take away transport, makan, rest etc that would probably leave me with around 8-10 hrs? Relax I am. Theres really nothing much in my head right now, which should scare the hell out of most others. I cant be any more nonchalent or foolish can I?

Going back to work on Friday, contemplating on asking someone out for dinner on Friday night... sssh just cut my hair ley, look abit tutut, and other ridiculous stuff goes thru my tiny brain. Shall see how it goes I guess.

Or would u guys be free on Friday night for dinner?